journey to baby-land

small baby or are my dates really that far out??

2012-01-03T05:28:00.000-08:00

Well we went for our 12 week scan on 28th December and i got myself all geared up for the different tests, i was rather ill that morning, i think it was the start of the flu that i am still getting over now. All the water i was drinking was coming back up, i HATE water!!!! Then when it was all over i found out i didnt have to drink water it could have been juice as long as it isnt fizzy.... gggrrrr... at least i know for next time. Any ways we got there really early because it was at 8:15 in the morning we thought there would be loads of traffic but there wasnt and it took us about 10 minutes to get there. Anyway when we finally got there at the right time and there were more people there than just the cleaners we got out token for our picture and went in. The lady was really nice and told me everything i needed to know about what to do and how it will feel, then she started the scan and showed us our little jelly bean with a strong heartbeat, she then went on to measure it to date us which comes up on the screen we were looking at, we were measuring 40.0mm and 10 weeks 6 days!!!!!! By my dates we should have been 13 weeks and 3 days, how could it be so out, the lady said it was too early to do any tests and we would need to come back. I was quite shocked at this, i know the dates can be out but we thought if anything we would have been further along as my symptoms have died down i am getting bigger in the tummy but more than 2 weeks behind!!!!! Thats a lot. So she printed us a picture and looked at the next possible date available which we should be (by their dates not mine) 13 weeks and 6 days, which is like almost the cut off for the downs tests, by my dates i should have been 13 weeks and 3 days, i feel a little bit cheated really because i thought i was getting ready for my second trimester when really we were getting to the point where it would be safe to tell people even though we had already done that as we thought we were further along. Any ways i still have to wait 15 more days until we have the next scan which is at 3:30 so i will have to go straight from there to work so i am preying everything will be ok.

And there is our little jelly bean, we at least know it has a nose lol.

Now for something different, i was looking on the net and found a 100 question quiz so decided i would steal it.

1. How old will you be in five years? 29

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? Daisy and Mimi the dogs

3. How tall are you? 5' 7"

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? our second 12 weeks scan

5. What's the last movie you saw? we watched, abduction last night

6. Who was the last person you called? My mom

7. Who was the last person to call you? My mom

8. What was the last text message you received? from Adam asking if i was going with him to wickes or staying at home

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? i have no idea

10. Do you prefer to call or text? text

11. What were you doing at 12am last night? eating halls soothers and coughing my lungs up

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? married

13. When is the last time you saw your mum? yesterday when i went to borrow her ladders

14. What colour are your eyes? blue

15. What time did you wake up today? first time at about 8 when Adam went to work then about 10 when my mom rang

16. What are you wearing right now? maternity jeans and vest with a stripy jumper

17. What is your favourite Christmas song? i like all i want for christmas is you but i dont like mariah she gets on my nerves

18. Where is your favourite place to be? on a salon couch getting a massage which i could do with right now.

19. Where is your least favourite place to be? in the presence of some of my family

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? new mexico to see my friend ruth

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? i am hoping to be in a new house (we live in a one bed right now so it is needed lol) and maybe have a couple of kids maybe even married

22. Do you tan or burn? burn

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? the blob

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? something on tv yesterday

25. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? laptop

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on? depends what time of year it is

29. What colour are your sheets? right now lilac

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1

31. What is your favourite season? spring

32. What do you like about Winter? time off work without being sunburnt for the whole of it (i just got flu this year)

33. What do you like about Autumn? very relaxed few months no stressing about summer holidays or christmas

34. What do you like about the summer? more time off work but not the stress of having to remember the sun cream. the big one this year will be the birth of my first baby!!!!

35. What do you like about spring? not too hot, everything seems prettier, i met Adam in the end of spring

36. How many countries have you lived in? 1

37. What cities/towns have you lived in? 2

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? depends on the weather but i do like bare feet just not to look at lol

39. Are you a social person? sometimes but i am not a really talkative person unless its people i really know

40. What was the last thing you ate? chicken balls

41. What is your favourite restaurant? pizza hut or frankie and bennys

42. What is your favourite ice cream? raspberry ripple

43. What is your favourite dessert? hot chocolate fudge cake with ice cream

44. What is your favourite kind of soup? chicken

45. What kind of jelly do you like? raspberry

46. Do you like Chinese food? Yes

47. Do you like coffee? nope

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? none

49. What do you drink in the morning? pepsi max

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? yes

52. Do you know how to play Poker? yes

53. Do you like to cuddle? Yes

54. Have you ever been to Canada? No

55. Do you have an addictive personality? yes

56. Do you eat out or at home more often? home

57.?? - goodness knows what this Q was

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? yes

59. Do you want kids? Yes i have one on the way and a SS and SD

60. Do you speak any other languages? i can speak german but not fluent

61. Have you ever gotten stitches? yes

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? yes

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? pool

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat? aisle, although i like the view from the window i feel a little bit trapped
65. Do you know how to drive? not very well but yes

66. What is your favourite thing to spend money on? clothes shoes, more recently house hold things or baby stuff

67. Do you wear any jewellery 24/7? nope, im not really a jewellery person, when i was engaged it was weird wearing a ring all the time.

68. What is your favourite TV show? the big bang theory

69. Can you roll your tongue? Yes

70. Who is the funniest person you know? myself, i laugh at her all the time lol

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone? heads will roll/thriller mix from glee

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? no
74. What red object is closest to you right now? my coat

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? no

76. Do you sleep with your wardrobe doors open or closed? closed

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? bees i think

78. Do you flirt a lot? nope

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? if i had to dip it would be bbq sauce or gravy but i dont normally dip my nuggets

80. What is your favourite food? pasta, pizza and cheese

81. Can you change the oil on a car? yes

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? no
83. Have you ever run out of fuel? no
84. What is your usual bedtime? 12

85. What was the last book you read? i am in the middle of reading hunger which is the second book in a series about a place that gets shut off from the rest of the world and all the people 15 and over dissapear

86. Do you read the newspaper? yes, not everyday though

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No

88 - Q missing - ??

89. Do you watch soap operas? not really im normally working when they are on

90. Do you dance in the car? yes

91. What radio station did you last listen to? capital

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you? Mimi and Daisy the dogs

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper? the meter reading for the electric

94. What is your favourite candle scent? berry

95. What is your favourite board game? scatagories, monopoly, trivial persuit i love games

96. When was the last time you attended church? 2009 i think other than to cancel the wedding

97 - Q missing ?

98. Who was your favourite teacher in school? mrs robberts the cooking teacher she was so cool

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent? just over a week i think

100. What is something that you can't wait for? our baby in the summer

Well that was fun even if there were some questions missing, now i have to go to work.

12 weeks 5 days

2011-12-23T04:32:00.000-08:00

Well I said I would update with pictures but never got around to it so I took the time this morning to take pictures of the things I have got so far and I hope you enjoy them.

I know I am only 12+5 weeks but when something is on sale who am I to not buy it to save some money. I think I am being clever if I do say so myself.

This was me exactly 12 weeks. I had gone to get new trousers due to dropping 2 dress sizes in the legs and but department and i think that is getting a rather hefty bump.

This is the little 4 piece suit we got, it was the only one we could find with mummy and daddy on it, all the rest had just mummy.

I love mummy and daddy aawwww

I found this microwave steriliser on sail in Argos and these bottles were less than half the price that i found them in babies'r'us so i got them.

I fell in love with this little blanket, as we are due in the summer i knew we only really needed a thing blanket to take out with us and this one was so soft and as it is white its good for girl or boy, and you got to just love the dalmatian puppy on the cloud.

I was looking for mittens but they all seemed to have very wide wrists and looked like they would fall of so while in babies'r'us i found these that are quite small. One is yellow, One is stripy and the other has animals on it.

Babies first teddy bear. i saw it in the shop and it was so soft i had to get it, this will be one of 2 bears baby will have from birth, the other one is my bear that i had from my nan when i was little and it is so cute but its in storage at my moms right now so i don't have a picture of it.

In mother care i got this amazing deal on a breast pump, was £34.99 now £17.49 could i really not buy it????

I saw this hat and gloves set and loved it, i know it is quite girly but if you take the bow of it looks good for a boy so baby will need hats and mittens when it starts to get cold.

These were the very first things i got, i was not really feeling pregnant as i hadn't seen a midwife, i didn't have no papers or a can or anything so it still felt like it was happening to someone else so i caved in at about 9 weeks on i got these which i think are quite neutral and so sweet.

Look at the little panda aaawwww

We don't have the 12 weeks scan until Wednesday 28th December when i will be 13+3 but that was the soonest they could get me in and they already made the appointment before the time they should do for 8:15 when they said that day they wouldn't be starting until 9am so i was lucky.

I keep having this really weird feeling there is more than one in there, i don't know why apart from the fact that my stomach is getting quite big even though i am losing weight from other parts of my body.

We are also not finding out what we are having, i have always said i wouldn't want to know and to keep it a secret, but when i found out i was expecting i wanted to know as i am impatient but so many people have said it spoils the surprise then so i have been bought around to not finding out, it is hard when you are looking at buying things but you dint have much to choose from until you know what it is, most of the unisex things are plain white or beige and there isn't a great range either. Another problem is the pram i have picked can be in 1 of about 15 colours and i am having to choose a colour that will work with either so that's a little bit hard too but I'm sure we will cope.

We are leaning towards wanting a girl. I thought i wanted a boy as it would be my parents first grand son and think it would be nice but now i think i want the girl, we want a princess.

Now for the bad news. I had worked myself up for weeks as to how i was going to tell my granddad and so last Saturday i went to my moms and when i got there my sister was there, no big shocker really its nearly Christmas. When i went in though my mom gave me a look and i knew what it ment, my sister is expecting too!!!! Now don't get me wrong she is entitled to get pregnant but i am not happy about it, i should have seen it coming, i have never had anything to myself growing up, if i wanted something she had to have it too. I went to dance class, she went too even though she has the poise and grace of a t-rex, I became a cheerleader, so did she, the same problem with the grace, i planned my 18th birthday party, she convinced my family to get me to change it to a joint 18th and 21st so she could have a party as she didnt have an 18th party.....She had a baby the month before she was 18, that's not my fault!!!!! I had PCOS she also told people she had it and it was so bad she may not be able to have more kids, she had one that she should have been grateful for, i didn't even have one and i was told i would need help to get pregnant at all. Now she is wondering around like she has had some miracle pregnancy. She had proved she could have children as she has one, if any ones pregnancy is a miracle its mine, with my ex we had applied for IVF that is how much i couldn't have children so this for me is a miracle. The best part is last Friday she had gone for her 12 weeks scan and they said she was 12+4 even though that has to be a whole load of horse shite because she then went on to say she had the HSG test only 12 weeks ago, i had that done a year and half ago and you have to wait until you have started your period before making the appointment for 14 days after the start and not to have sex, i was also given a pregnancy test as they said having this test would kill the baby if there was one, so how if she had the test don't 12 weeks ago could she be more than 12 weeks. She then proceeded to show my nan and granddad her scan picture and looking like she had the upper hand as i hadn't had my scan yet. Even when they tried to talk to me about mine which was not the great reveal that i wanted she butted in all the time.

I need to stop writing about her as she really does get on my nerves, i thought someone would get pregnant when they found out i was but i was thinking more along the likes as becki (adams kids mom) or sarah (adams brothers girlfriend) but then i should have known better that i will always try to be out done by my own sister....

quick catch up

2011-12-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

well i have been meaning to update on what has been going on but i just dont seem to be able to find the time.

well i had a phone call from the midwife last week and when she realised i was going to be 10 weeks on sunday (last sunday that is) she said she would come to me and do my booking at home.

so sunday she came at about half 12 and she was so friendly she went through everything we could think of and said she would fax over my referral for the scan monday morning and i should get it through in the post. She said she was going to put urgent on the top due to the fact i will be having the tests for downs syndrome and they need to be done between 11 weeks 1 day and 14 weeks 1 day so i have until january 2nd to have that done so we are hoping they can fit us in before christmas but as people are pushing for it before then i cant see it happening.

I still cant believe it really i will be 13 weeks on christmas day.

I went from last year having my rant about the ex giving me shit all over christmas (he wasnt my ex at this point) to this year being pregnant with a new man and in a new home and then next year having a baby, it all seems so surreal.

well when i have more time i will try to put up some pictures but hihohiho its off to work i go......

Tomorrow is the day.

2011-11-20T07:23:00.000-08:00

I rang the doctors on Friday to see if the results came in and she said she couldn't see any but they normally come in after 11 so she said she will check then. A few minutes later she rang back and said there are some results and the next thing was to make an appointment with the doctor, so the first appointment she had was Monday at 10 past 9, that was quite fast I think. When I asked how quick the results would come back she said as few days to a week and if they were negative then they wouldn't do anything else so I am presuming that was our confirmation. For definite we will have it tomorrow. I am presuming it is a positive as we already have positives and the symptoms so this is just an official one. I need a certificate or something like that from the doctor so I can take to work and give to Geoff so that they can have it on record. Going by my LPD I am 8 weeks today and i am feeling a bit bloated in the stomach region.

exciting new update

2011-11-15T06:17:00.000-08:00

Well since the last time I wrote my life has changed.

I Left my cheating fiancée and found my new partner, Adam. Things seemed to move quite quickly for us but it all seems so natural, in just over a month we had moved in and right now we have been together for 6 months. As anyone who has read my blog will know I suffer from PCOS and was trying for a baby for over 3 years with my ex with no results. When I met Adam I knew everything would be different as he already has 2 children. With this I knew on the NHS there would only be some treatments we could get for free, IUI and IVF would not be funded due to Adam having children so we had to discuss what was going to happen when the time comes that we wanted a baby of our own. There were treatments available like the clomid that we could have tried which with his history of having children we know would have given us a high rate of success if a high enough dose was given.

Due to the fact I hadn't been on any birth control for over 4 years and hadn't become pregnant we discussed not using any ourselves due to the fact we are healthy and for us condoms are not really a spontaneous thing really if I must be honest. So after that we didn't use anything, we did talk about having children but we wouldn't be able to get help from the doctor until we had been trying for a year so we were just getting on with life and when my period was late in October I thought nothing of it, I had missed so many before that it was nothing, but in the last about 18 months I was normally on time, so I gave it a few weeks then I did a test, it was negative. I left it a bit longer and was really not feeling great, my boobs were aching real bad, I had no bloating that I normally get when I am about to get my period, I got back ache so I decided to get some more tests. This was Saturday 6Th November so I was a fair few weeks late. We were going bowling and I thought I wanted to put my mind at ease and buy some more expensive tests, we went to asda and I got a 2 pack, when we got to Adams granddads and I needed the loo I thought why not take one there, negative, I thought,'you know what im going to enjoy my night any ways'. so we went bowling but I was so tired by like 10 but i was a trooper and stayed till 12. After that i felt tired quite often so I was having a nap in the day. It got to Friday 11th November and i had enough, i was peeing like every half hour and every time I went there was the last test sitting on the top of the toilet so i decided just to use it, get it out the way so I don't have to keep looking at it. I didn't even wait for it to be done, i just left it on the toilet and went back to watching a movie, when i went back to the toilet again i noticed it, there was a faint line on it. I didn't know if i was imagining it or not so i went in the bin to find the one i had done the week before that was a definite negative and there was a line there. I text Adam who was a work and asked him what to do, he said to ring the docs, so i rang and they said i had to take a sample in before 10 on the Monday, that was so long away so i was working myself up so before i went to my moms to go to work i went to boots and got some clearblue digital tests, if they said negative then i knew they had to be right, so i got to my moms and POAS, it said pregnant!!!!!! I have never had a positive one before so i went and asked my mom to tell me i wasn't imagining it and it was right. So all my symptoms that i was having we sort of adding up, everyday i am getting more and more things, like acid and feeling sick but not actually being sick but i welcome them and am so grateful to be in the situation.

I was supposed to send of the sample yesterday but when i got to the doctors to get the sample bottle and tried to pee, i couldn't, i walked home, still couldn't pee, drank water and pepsi max, couldn't pee, ran the bath taps, couldn't pee, held my hands under the running water, couldn't pee, now i had been peeing at least once an hour, but in the hour and a half i had to take a pee i couldn't go. By this time it was too late to drop it off as they need it before 10am so i had to do it this morning, i got up and made sure i had enough pee stored for this sample. I put the sticker on it and filled in the time and date and dropped it off, they girl behind the counter found it funny as i just couldn't go yesterday, lol. So now we wait. When i rang last week they said the results would be back within a few days but yesterday they said it could take a week!!!! How will we cope that long!!!!!!! We are expecting it to be positive but if it does turn out that i just had a dodgy test and im not then i must just be ill. I don't think i am ill though.

We have had conversations about what we are going to do space wise in the bedroom and me going back to work after maternity leave that sort of thing but the most exciting thing so far is we discussed names. Last night we thought about it and all the time Adam told me i need to keep the faith and it will happen so if we have a girl she will be called Faith Parker, if we have a little boy he will be Jackson Parker. It may come to the point where were find something that is so much better than this but i think these are really cute. Any ways i am getting ahead of myself really. We do have to wait until we get the confirmation from the doctor so that i can inform work. If the doctors do go by my last period date i may get my first scan by Christmas, what a great Christmas present that would be for us and to tell our families. I'm so excited.

This is the end of the line.

2011-05-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

This is the end of the line. It has taken me a few weeks to admit but we were not working. I dont expect everyone to understand but i am moving on and i have never been this happy in a long time. So thanks for reading along and you never know i may be back sometime with the next chapter.

so touching

2011-05-03T04:05:00.000-07:00

I had to post this, someone posted it on facebook and i cried, its a must see...Take a look....

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1355014174247

Date night

2011-04-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well we haven't had a real date night in so long but after what we have been through in the last week or so we decided it was needed. On this day 5 years ago i met they guy of my dreams and so yesterday we decided to tie that in with our date night. I decided we could go and play pool, i had never played before and so i had no idea what i was going but i tried, we both won one game each so that was good then we went over to pizza hut, where Dave had chicken wings and garlic bread and i had carbonara and one of his chicken wings then we shared a cookie dough dessert. I must admit it was one of the best nights i have had in a while. While we were eating we had a discussion about what we do about the treatment, i wanted to let Dave make the decision of when to pick it up again as i think if it was up to me i would take it all on again and end up in the same situation. Well Dave said he thinks i should try to get the situation at work sorted first which i was told they are trying to have over and done with in around a week due to the people being on 3 different shifts, then maybe see where we are in a month and see if we are in the right place to sort out the forms then, but i said right now i didn't mind if it was a month or 6 or a year just as long as things were not going down hill again.

Life on hold

2011-04-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know how much of my life is on hold just yet but our wedding is on hold. There are some things going on at the moment that we are having to re think. I wen tot he doctors to be weighed and i have my bmi under 30 but not long after i broke down, i have no idea how i have coped in the past year or so, with the infertility then the wedding as well as everyday life and problems at work i feel like i have to be wonder woman sometimes, but i just don't have the super powers to do it all, so we had a long talk and we decided we have to take a few steps back, we are only 23/24 and we shouldn't have to deal with all of this right now especially all at once. I always thought i had to start growing up but i think i have over done myself, we made that hard decision to cancel the wedding but for how long we don't know, all we do know is we are going to lose our deposits we have already paid. Also i am not sure where we are on the IVF. I don't know when we are going to look back and decided to go ahead but we both feel if we don't sort out our lives right now and just take a step out of the hectic live then we would drive each other away, i am hoping that all this time and money that we will be saving may bring us closer, only time will tell.

I will keep you up to date with what we decide.

Im getting there

2011-04-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Almost every week i weigh myself in boots on their scales and get a print out, this week it says i was 13.5 which gave me a low enough BMI to fit in the IVF criteria, so i decided i was going to sort out my printouts and make an appointment to see my doctor and show them, i can imagin thet when i get there and i have to be weighed there it isnt going to say i way that much that its going to be more, but i thought i would make the appointment and tell them my situation as i am kinda getting sick of seeing my BMI less than 30 every week in boots but then still being told its not true. So i will let you know what happens on thursday.

Im so stressed

2011-03-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what to do.....I am having all these problems at work and i really don't need the stress right now.
I have wrote about someone called Ewa before well, i was at work on Monday and she waited till about 10 minutes before we finished work to come over and corner me and ask if i had a mental problem, i had no idea what she was talking about but i found this very insulting because i have suffered with manic depression since i was in school, so i don't respect someone asking that. Anyway then she went on telling me i should stop talking about her on facebook because people are laughing at her....i had no idea what she was talking about again, yes i put something on facebook at the time she was talking about but i cant help the fact that she thinks the world revolves around her and that maybe this status wasn't about her, i dont get why people think they can use my personal facebook page as ammunition at work? So i just said it wasn't like she doesn't talk about me or anyone else to her friends but in her own language, to which she said yes she does and we are all women so what do i expect.......erm am i the only one who wants to know why its ok for people to talk about others because we are women but if i did say anything about her why she has a problem with it. Then she went to swear at me but stopped and said she wasn't going to say it because she was not like my mom (my mom swore in front of one of her friends when they had moved her work back just before Christmas) then i said she was exactly the same because she went to say it, then she proceeded to tell me to f**k off numerous times while waffling on about me growing up and stop causing trouble, when i got a word in a told her that she was in the wrong because she came to my work area and left hers just to have a go and intimidate my by standing over me while saying all this and just reading into things that wernt about her. She must have been looking for something to pin on me because she would have read the status then had to click to read more comments from what she told me she had read. As we had words before why would she feel the need to search my page and statuses for unless she was waiting for something to have a rant about. I will put a copy of the conversation between me and my friend that was on facebook so that you can see nowhere are there any names. I got worked up after she walked away when other people started turning up for the night shift so when i was ready to leave i told her if she had a problem with something outside of work then tell me outside of work, to which she flew off again saying i am the one with the problem and i should grow up, i sad she was the one who needed to grow up and how old is she, all she could say was how old am i?..... Well i am 24 this year she is 30 i think 6 years is a lot of time to mature to her standards and her sophistication (not that i would want to if that's how you act). In the end all i could think was she did it at the end of work hoping she could just go home and i would drop it and hoping the head of shift would have already left. I personally think she has some sort of attention disorder like she has to make sure everything is about her even if its not. Not long ago i woke up to people asking if i was ok i didn't under stand but when i went onto facebook i understand why, someone had set up a fake facebook page with my name and commented on every single picture that i was in with the word 'fake' now i have like 400 pictures with me in on there and every time they commented i got an email, looking at the times of the emails it took them about an hour and half and finished about 1:30 in the morning, don't that sound a little bit suspicious as the same week our clock-in cards were being moved. I told all of this to the head of shift nick and he said not to take it further as he will sort it and has it....no it got worse obviously when she was looming over me with her rant. So i rang ACAS who are like a union and told them the situation and what i should do about it, the lady said that it sounded like serious intimidation and should be taken higher which would be to write an official grievance letter to the manager saying what happened and to request a meeting to see how this is going to be solved. which i did. Nick wasn't pleased and didn't speak to me at all last night after he found out i had gone higher than him and gone to Geoff, but what does he expect when he was going round saying he would tell them but did nothing and then last night my mom herd him talking to other people about it. I was supposed to have a meeting today before work but i got a phone call saying the owners were thankful with the way i had dealt with things so far and they would do everything official so i should be getting a letter maybe today to say when the meeting is, i was also told the Ewa was not told about any of this so if i do get any comments from her i know who has told her. I am also allowed someone in the meeting with me so i asked June if she will come with me but it depends when it is now as i don't want to drag her down if it is out of work hours, she knows that i need the fertility treatment and is always asking how i am coping and am i dealing with the stresses so she knows what I'm going through. I have been pushed around way too much in my life and I'm not going to just push it away anymore. The only thing i am really bothered about is when ever one of the polish get told off for anything they pull the racist card, that would hurt me so much because i am the most un racist person in the world, i went to a primary school and secondary school when white English kids were the minority and so i have been bought up to see that as normal, one of my best friends in primary school was a refugee from Albania so how can i be racist???

This is what was put on facebook, where does that say anything spacific to a person? where is her name?
Amy Whittaker
At what age is it inappropriate to look like an over grown toddler???? I think someone missed the memo lol
25 March at 17:47 via Android · Friends only ·LikeUnlike · · View feedback (8)Hide feedback (8).
Hayley Smith and Kimberley Meekcom like this..

Adele Cashmore Funniest status I've read in a while!
25 March at 21:52 · LikeUnlike.

Amy Whittaker Its even funnier if you could see the person its about all i will say is a headband ok but a bow???? And they are like 30 lol
25 March at 22:08 · LikeUnlike.

Adele Cashmore When you mentioned toddler I had the image of a 30 year old woman in a baby grow or something similar!
25 March at 22:09 · LikeUnlike.

Amy Whittaker Not quite but i wouldnt put it past this person to wear something just as bad like a ribbon in their hair with dungrees (cant spell it sorry lol)
25 March at 22:15 · LikeUnlike.

Adele Cashmore This person sounds like a sight to be seen!
25 March at 22:18 · LikeUnlike.

Amy Whittaker She sure is
25 March at 22:22 · LikeUnlike
Any way i could really do with some chill out time. I cant wait for the Easter holidays!!!!!!

i may need a blood transfusion.....

2011-03-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

Well AF started creeping in Wednesday morning so i got my moon cup at the ready, it was all ok until i was shopping Thursday morning, i had to go to the ladies and realised my cup was leaking, i thought i was maybe that it wasn't in properly but it was it just ended up that full that it some how leaked, for the rest of the day i wore a pad too, which sort of defeated the object of getting the cup as i didn't want to use pads and tampons anymore. But since then i have just had to abandon the cup, and make sure i visit the toilet VERY often, i mean in all the time i went through not having a period in like 6 months, never have i bled so much, i feel like i am hemorrhaging and i feel really weak and hungry which i don't know if it has anything to do with it but its not fun. I was talking with my mom and she said i am never happy when i had no periods i wanted them so that i could feel 'normal' now i am having all my missed ones in one i don't want them, i know my mom was joking but it is right, but i don't to not have one but i don't want it like this either, i can barely do anything just in case i make a mess.

It is just over a week into lent and i have been doing good so far, i haven't cheated, the only thing i have been having is tortillas wraps, but as it has no yeast i think it should be ok, its not a bread as such so i think I'm good. other than that i have nothing else at the moment.

Love it magazine

2011-03-15T04:39:00.001-07:00

I love 'love it' magazine, i get it almost every week and there is always something in there that shocks me. But while i was looking through last week i thought im gonna send a picture of my puppy in to them just for the sake of it, so i went on the website and while looking i found this section where you can apply to try a diet from them, they supply everything and i can be in the mag. i thought why not reply i never get picked for anything right.....wrong....i had a girl from the magazine ring me today asking if i was up for it and i said yea so she will get back to me with more details, wow, i normally never like to really show myself or 'air my dirt laundry' as some may say but, i am so desperate at the moment to lose the weight i am willing to try anything, i finished weight watchers just 3 lbs less than when i started, i felt so ashamed, but for me i always felt like i was eating way to much while on it, like i eat a lot of fruit and veg anyway but as they are no points they dont cound then i was allowed 33 daily points then my weekly 49 and i was using no where near that unless we were going out for something like pizza and they were saying i should be sticking to my points but that was a lot of food for me, especially when i was under the nutritionalist before and they said as long as i was not feeling weak or like i was going to faint and i had enough energy i could manage on one meal a day, and that was from the hospital so from going from that where i managed to lose a lot of weight before to having to eat so much with weight watchers i couldnt put my finger on why i wasnt losing the weight. They also kept talking about how things like hormones and thyroid problems have nothing to do with weight, well that really bothered me because i have already done my research and hormones do play a major roll and this is a reason why someone with PCOS like me has problems losing weight but they wouldnt see that, just the weight watchers formula and it works there is proof, but i just wanted to scream and say please live my life work my work deal with my stresses and then deal with the hormonal imbalance and show me how easy it is to lose weight because im not playing around, i need to lose this weight if i have any chance at a family and even just for that reason only i would try anything but i know starving myself will do more harm than good.

How can i win?????

i wish....

2011-03-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

This is something i never thought i would write but i wish my period would hurry up and come already.

I dont mean tk sound negative but i havnt got my hopes up that this is a magical month or anything. I have learned my lesson over the past 3 years not to torture myself like that but i know its coming as it does every month but this time has decided to make me have the worst build up ever.

Bloating is all over the place one minute i can fit in my skinny jeans the next i can barely fit in my loose ones then back to my skinny ones again. My emotions are all over the place too i even got choked up over crufts....CRUFTS of all things. Then there is the constant fear of losing my lunch even tho i havnt been sick i have had that little bit that comes up just to taste then goes back down buy haunts you for hours later with its persistant burning. When will it all end. I know many people would tell me 'maybe you should take a test' 'sounds to me like you are pregnant' i remember those feelings too' well im sorry to be so negative but if i did do a test and it said negative i would probably make the symptoms worse but if it said positive it would probably turn out that i am one of those people who has a dudu test and it is really a negative but thought it would show the line just to give me a heart attack.

Ok rant over as i am at work....

lent

2011-03-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

As it is the beginning of lent i have decided to take it serious this year, last year i managed it but i only went with the chocolate as it was something i thought i could do as there would be something i could substitute it with but this year i have decided that i am giving up bread and other yeast products, i know this will be a challenge for me as i think bread is a big part of my diet like a roll with my soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, so i am going to work hard and maybe this will keep my mind on track and i can concentrate on the prayers that's are needed. I'm sure with the help of my mom i will make it.

Now i have calmed down

2011-03-03T06:11:00.000-08:00

I was going to post a few days ago but i was just so irritated the post would be all over the place so now i have calmed down i will tell you the story.

A few weeks ago i told the guy at work about needing IVF, i wanted to find out how i would have to approach the managers about time off so that means there are more people who know about it now, well as i have been working the weekends there were others in too and one told her husband to come in and wait for her, this was way before finishing time, but this isn't allowed, she has been told about this before and when other people have had someone in they have been told to leave, but this time when she was told off about it she tried to pull the race card saying this wouldn't have happened if she was English, but it would it is health and safety, so on Tuesday she faced up to Hayley who told on her, which i think anyone would have done, if they had the balls like her, lol, anyway, she was asking what her problem was and was standing above her with a drink, how intimidating does that sound???? So she was told on again and so nick and June went into the canteen to talk but it wasn't just hem they had Ewa in there too.. like i have said before Ewa is our equal she has no superiority over us so i wanted to know why she was let in there and we wasn't, because when they came out June never told us what went on but Ewa went telling all the polish what went on, Nicks reason was she was the translator!!!!! HELLOOOOO!!!! am i the only person these days who thinks that if someone comes to England and doesn't speak English then they shouldn't be here?? I am not racist, and a lot of them are OK but i am damn sure if i went to Poland or in fact anywhere in the world that's mother tongue isn't English i would be expected to speak their language, so why should we be expected to treat them any different. Whenever anything happens their they pull the race card and try to claim, there was one who was let go because she was an agency worker and the extra work was over and she wasn't the only one, but she was pregnant at the time so she was trying to sue saying she was let go because she was pregnant, they do it on purpose because since then Helaina was on the agency and got pregnant and they took her on, its like they are scared of them now. Anyway i am getting off track. I ended up having a huge slanging match with Nick about the fact that he is giving Ewa the ammunition she needs to walk around like she does and think she is better than us, after she had come out the canteen she was over at Helaina's machine and they wouldn't stop staring, i said to nick that this is taking the piss ass i had someone who had set up a facebook page in my name and went along and put 'fake' on every one of my pictures and that's around 400 pictures, and i know it was one of them, so i said to nick that as they are never at their machine they could be listening in to our conversation and find out that i need IVF, how much ammunition would that be to them???? I got so angry about the situation i burst into tears and had to spend some time in the office. When i finally calmed down i realised i had had enough, i really don't care what they know any more as i would just make sure they got in trouble if they gave me trouble. In the end i had got all my anger out i was calm enough to drive home in my moms car which i didn't do that bad saying i am still a learner and i haven't driven a car in a while. Then to day i managed to drive to and from the bride shop, its not really that far away but i had to go through a busy shopping centre but i coped quite well.

IVM????

2011-03-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

I was catching up on my google reader today and it started to think about whether there were things like trials or testing that i could look into to maybe get treatment for a reduced price or even free. While searching i came across something called IVM and so i looked into it and it was really interesting.

IVM, in vitro maturation, is like IVF but tailored for PCOS patients, PCOS gives you a higher chance of OHSS, ovarian hypostimulation syndrome, which can be very serious and most of the time needs a hospital stay and a halt in treatment, so this IVM eliminates this. Unlike IVF there are no drugs before egg retrieval apart from one 36 hours before. This is because they retrieve unmatured eggs and then mature them in the lab, then when they have matured for a day or 2 they will remove the hard shell that will have formed and by using ICSI, intracytoplasmic sperm injection, they fertilise the eggs like with IVF and transfer the one or 2 back to the womb. After the egg retrieval you have to use progesterone suppositories like you would with IVF but that's about all the drugs needed. I also read about the first babies born from this treatment, they were a set o twins from oxford, again the UK beat the world like with the IVF, (please don't take offence rest of the world) and they said it was like a £95 IVF cycle. It didn't explain the whole cost involved but even if that was just for the drugs that's a load cheaper then the £1500 for drugs and being stuck with needles everyday. The only way i could find the price was going onto the oxford fertility unit site but you have to download the adobe package and no mater how many times i tried it never happened so i am still not sure how much it will cost. I was thinking of taking this information with me when i go to the doctors and asking if they had any information on it and if it was available to me or where its available if i cant be funded. Even if it half the price that knocks it down from £4500 to £2250 which means there are more chances of success with more cycles.

I wonder if anyone else has more information on this????

Im stealing again

2011-02-24T15:19:00.000-08:00

Not physically stealing but taking peoples quizes and things from their blogs, lol, im so bad but i suppose thats how it gets round so here it is.

26 things about me

1. Age: 23
2. Blog Title Inspiration: the road to motherhood isnt always a smooth one so i thought i would work on that.
3. Chore You Hate: I hate drying up the dishes, i just hate it i dont know why.
4. Day at the Beach or Cozy Rainy Day? day at the beach but not if its too hot as i burn but i love the sand and walking along the waters edge really does do something to you.
5. Essential Start Your Day Item: My slippers, before i go to the toilet or let the dog out i have to get some comfy slippers.
6. Favorite Color: Purple
7. Gold or Silver? colour wise silver but metal wise it has to be gold as silver leaves me with a rash but i dont like the yellow gold colour.
8. Height: 5'7''
9. Instruments You Play: I can play the piano, double bass, drums and i have a violin but not really that into it any more the novelty has worn off.
10.Job Title: Machine operator
11. Kids: Im working on it
12. Live: Dudley in the west midlands which is the uk for people who didnt know.
13. Mom's Name: deb
14. Book Currently on Your Nightstand: Essential guide to IVF
15. Nicknames: Aim, or ame however you spell it its still like 'aim fire'
16. Overnight Hospital Stays? I fainted once at a boat festival, they were going to let me go home but as i had hit my head they kept me in just incase. Then I was in a car accident and was in for 2 days it was my miracle as i was paralysed from the waist down when it happened and i started getting the feeling back the next day. My mom knew how serious it was when they started drawing on my feet and poking them with a pin and i didnt flinch as i have the most sensitive feet ever, nomatter how deep a sleep i was in if someone touched my feet i would wake up.
17. Pet Peeve: Right now its the pregnant girl at work being treated like she is dissabled its rediculous, sometimes i have seen her ask people to get her a piece of card.
18. Quote from a Movie: Forrest Gump: 'momma said life was like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get'. So true.
19. Right or Left Handed? Right.
20. Siblings: Biologically i have 2 sisters & 2 brothers but if i go on the ones i have seen and spoken to regular (or at all) in the past 2 years then i have 1 brother.
21. Time You Wake Up? As i work a twilight shift i dont have to get up early so i get up when the dog gets up or when i wake up, unless i am going somewhere then i get my mom to wake me up.

22. Underwear: Right now comfy briefs.
23. Vegetable You Dislike: Broccoli and thats only because of the texture the little nobbles on the flurettes just seem wrong.
24. What Makes You Run Late: forgetting something like brushing my teeth or breaking a hairband and having to find another one.
25. Yummy Food You Make: Philidelphia taglitelli with parma ham, chicken breast stuffed with cheese wrapped in parma ham.
26. Zoo, Favorite Animal: Penguins.

There 26 things about me, some were pretty random but oh well it took up some time.

My appologies

2011-02-24T05:41:00.000-08:00

I thought i had to do a post about this today as i feel a little ashamed by something i wrote a while back that may upset people when it wasn't meant to upset, i was just so mad and upset at the time.

I have been reading this blog for a while now and its only now that i am starting to understand the process of adoption and how hard the journey can be, i know the process is different in the US but the emotions and the stress are all the same. I feel ashamed to say that i had a rant on here after being told numerous times that little thing that most infertiles hate to hear, 'you should adopt', 'you can always adopt' ' there are loads of kids that people don't want, why don't you adopt them'. I was sick of hearing this. From reading the above blog i have learned that you don't just decide to adopt there are so many stages to go through and for me you have to be so strong to deal with that which I'm not. I said some pretty nasty things about this and am truly sorry to anyone that may have found them upsetting. Most of the things i post i am not bothered if people don't like them as they are normally just my openness but even i have to agree that i may have been a little bit harsh.

So again i am sorry.

is it soo bad????

2011-02-19T07:35:00.000-08:00

Really is it so bad to have a thought to stab the girl at work square in that pregnant bump of hers????? I'm not saying i want to kill her or her child but then she would have a reason not to do anything, she was taken on at work while she was pregnant and she does nothing, she wonders round with the nastiest look on her face that i just want to knock half way back to where she came from, she is doing this knowing she can get away with walking away from her work to talk to her friends as she know nothing can be done about it, you may not remember but i did a post about a pregnancy chair, well she was all for using this chair at first but now the novelty has worn off. The other day my friend at work was sat on it as she hadn't gone to get it, and so when she found out she got her friend to get the chair, but the next day when someone else was sat on it she didn't care, because it was neither me, my mom or my friend that was sat on it. She is getting right on my last nerve, well i think she is getting on every ones last nerve, some times its like she cant even walk to pick up a piece of card she has to get someone else to do it for her, and she is always on these jobs that a 5 year old could do, but where other people have been pregnant there they have done other jobs, bigger jobs, I'm not saying to put her at risk of injury but make her work or send her home so we don't have to see her smarmy face everyday. I so wish i was pregnant at the same time because most of the jobs are no more strenuous than things you would do in everyday life so i would say i would sign a contract saying i will be held responsible if i attempt a job that i cant do and cause myself harm, which i wouldn't push myself.

Ok end of rant and just to let anyone know i am not really going to stab anyone, but in my mind wont hurt anyone.

my 2010

2011-02-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

I have just caught up with all the amazing blogs i read and there were 97 posts, it took a while. I love to read this blog which is one of the only uk wedding blogs i could find, today i read that she had read a list of questions all about their experiences in 2010 and so i decided to steal it too, thanks lou i also voted for you too by the way if you are reading this.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
In 2010 i took fertility drugs, they didnt work but i tried.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I decided in 2009 i wasnt going to make a resolution for 2010 and just go with whatever happens but for this year i decided i was going to make the most common one which is to lose weight which i have to do to be able to qualify for IVF so i think this one will be kept even if it does take a bit longer than i would like.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope, nobody i now that i am that close to did in 2010 which was a good thing as i was going through a bad year and would have probably flipped if they had.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
I wasnt that close to her but an awesome lady at work called glenis died just before the new year, early last year a girl bought in wine for her birthday and glenis had a few and we thought she had a lot more than that as she was very slurry and couldnt focus properly but she was joking about as eveyone thought she had just had one too many, on the monday she didnt come in to work, a few days later we heard she might have had a stroke, turns out she had 3 brain tumors. Her funeral was January and it was so beautiful
5. What countries did you visit?
I didnt visit anywhere last year, I decided that i was going to pay off my debt as soon as i could so i didnt take a holiday
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A baby would be nice
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
3rd September because this was when i went to pick up my puppy mimi she was so small
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I know it isnt really an achievement for some but i managed to swallow pills which is something i have never been able to do.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to put myself in a good enough shape to beable to get pregnant
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my PCOS and infertility
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My wedding dress at a saving of over £700!!!!!!! And my dog..
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Dave for standing by me through all of this infertility and having tests done.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
i cant think of anyone right now.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Paying off my debt and buying wedding stuff.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got so excited about being debt free, i know that may not sound so exciting to some people but to be debt free for me is so surreal as i have been in debt since college.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Bruno Mars - Billionaire

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) happier or sadder? Happier
(b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
(c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gone out on day trips and out for drinks or lunch with friends.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eat!!!!

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With the family playing games and eating....a lot...

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Yes i did....with Mimi

22. What was your favourite TV programme?

I am so into Disney channel so sonny with a chance and also four weddings.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Ewa!!!!!!

24. What was your greatest musical discovey?

I have to agree with lou on this one it has to be Glee

25. What did you want and get?

I wanted to get my wedding dress and i got it at an awesome price too.

26. What did you want and not get?

A baby.

27. What was your favourite film of this year?

Harry potter, cant wait for part 2

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 23 and i went to go ape for my birthday.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

The fertility drugs to have worked so that i dont have to go through major treatment.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Plain, i dont remember much else than jeans and tops, other then shoes i remember lots of shoes lol

31. What kept you sane?

Knowing that i am going to have to start growing up if i am to go though such treatments so i had to work on who i am and what i really want.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Johnny Depp it is, has and always will be, he is just so munchable, lol.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

That they were thinking of axing all government funded fertility treatment, but will still treat smokers, drinkers and fatties.

34. Who did you miss?

Dunno

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010?

you really cant judge a book by its cover, just because someone looks fit and healthy that in reality they may not be and not everyone who has fertility treatment are older ladies who decided to have a career first, it can happen to young seemingly healthy couples.

Your email

2011-01-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

Someone who may be reading this right now (i don't care if you are i am still going to tell this story and if you don't like it then don't email me and think i will not put it on my private blog) sent me an email yesterday, it wasn't the most pleasant of emails but i read it all a few times and i couldn't believe what she was writing, but i will give you the gist of it all.

First off this person couldn't believe i was deciding to have a baby when i am not married, yea yea i have heard this for the past like 3 years and it has been a decision i have not taken easily. I should be ashamed of myself for having sex before i was married and i must be bringing shame upon my family, if this is the case my situation cannot shame my family more than my my siblings have already done in your eyes with babies out of wedlock and same sex relationships so i doubt that my little sin is going to shame my family that much if everyone Else's hasn't. I also need to stop moaning about my infertility as there are people who are going through so much more, before reading anymore i thought she was going to say people fighting for their countries and people with cancer but no, she was meaning that she was in a worse position than us infertiles because she has lost her job and has to live of her husbands wage, oh deary deary me how ever are you going to cope with not having a job, stop all cancer treatment and turn off all life support as this woman has no job!!!! Yes it is so much more important than a medical condition. You, my dear, should be grateful you have a husband if you speak to him like you spoke to me i would have kicked you to the kerb long ago. Then we have that they hope i never have babies and spend thousands of pounds on treatment as this may teach me a lesson not to be a tramp.....erm excuse me, i have a job unlike you, i am in a committed relationship, we are planning our wedding and i have done all the research i can about any treatment i may need, you keep talking about this plan that is supposed to be lay ed out for me but there is a plan and that plan was for someone to train as a fertility specialist and to give us unwed folk the treatment to have a bastard child. I must add this person also ended with they chose not to have children as we are clogging up the planet with spoiled, dirty, ungrateful, violent criminals and the quicker the human race gets rid of these people the quicker, i am presuming she is talking about me being one that should be wiped out, maybe this woman hasn't had children because her husband cant stand to be in the same room let alone bed as her as everything that comes out of her wide open trap is horse poop. At the end she put she doesn't want my moaning to be blocking up her google reader.....HELLO!!!!! if you don't want it clogging then why are you reading and reading anonymously as you are not letting on who you are. I don't now about other people but my blog is my place to write what i want about what i want and to rant as much as i want,

Bottom line go on keep emailing if you think it is going to make you feel any better because i will just keep slagging you off on my blog blocking up your reader OK.

Rant over.

I found something out....

2011-01-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

Well i was reading something the other day (don't ask as i really cannot remember what i was reading otherwise i would tell you) that due to the hormone balance with PCOS ovulation sticks may always read positive....are you kidding me!!!!! so for those months that i thought i was just that little bit normal that i may have been lucky enough to get some of the hormones there for ovulation that even if i peed on the stick while AF was here i would still get a positive. So as usual i am back to knowing that i am 100% abnormal. Just as i thought i was.

I did good

2011-01-26T07:43:00.000-08:00

After last week and being told we had been declined funding for IVF i was so upset, i didn't know how to take it. In the end i couldn't get mad at anyone but myself, it was only my weight that was the problem so i decided i was going to knuckle down and do my weight watcher properly.

Well......

That went fine Friday and Saturday till about 4pm when i got really upset watching a movie and so i reached for the ice cream, i ended up eating a whole tub which worked out to be around 12 points worth of ice cream (i only have 33 a day). Then i was back on track on Sunday till about the same time when I'm sure they were putting movies on TV that was going to make me sad so i ate another tub of ice cream. so in 2 days i had eaten 24 points just in ice cream, i felt sick, not from eating the ice cream but from the fact i had to be weighed on the Monday and i would have no other excuse as to why i was putting on weight other than i have like, zero will power. but i went Monday morning and helped set up and was showed what i have to do (i am helping out now as there are quite a few people in the group so i watched what they were doing then went to be weighed, and i will say this now i was waiting for it to say i had put on at least 2 lbs, but i didn't, i had lost....yes that's right i lost 3.5lbs!!!!!!! I was in shock. That makes me 13st 13.5lbs which means i now need to lose just over 7 lbs to be back under 30 BMI and can send off the forms again.

I'm hoping this week will be another good week.

After i shared a big ice cream sundae with my mom today SSSSHHHHH!!!!!!!!

DECLINED!!!!!!!

2011-01-20T05:39:00.000-08:00

Yes that's what they said, we were declined because of my weight. My GP rang and sad they had a letter back from the PCT and they are not funding at this time because i am over the criteria. Meaning i still need to lost that 7 lbs or more to make sure i am under 30 bmi. I told my doctor that i would spend a few more weeks with weight watchers and trying extra hard then go back and be weighed on real scales where they slide the weight across as i currently have been weighed on 3 different electronic scales and they all say different. Then we will go back and fill in the forms again. The least they could have done is asked the doctor to bring me in and weigh me then ring them back as on the forms the first time she put my weight but also that i was going to weight watchers so i may have lost all the weight, i don't think i have but they don't know that.

Zita West

2011-01-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

Almost as soon as i had processed that we were going to need IVF i went on the search for a book, i wanted to know as much as i could. I was looking for one in particular but waterstones didn't have it but the recommended a book by Zita West, i think most people in the UK who need IVF would have heard of her, she owns and works at her own clinic and in this book she writes about all the aspects she goes through there, including counselling, diet, options and alternative therapies. So i get this book thinking i will have read it in a day or 2, well that was like back when i was told we were in need of IVF which has been months and i am barely half way through. I am trying to give it a go but all the case studies are of ladies in their 30 and above, and there is always little bits that she writes about how older ladies this and older ladies that and at one point, to me, it sounded like she was saying that older people should be given more chance than younger ones, i feel this by a lot of the things that are written like, if a couple are young they may do all the necessary checks then ask them to keep trying a little longer but they would like to advise older ladies to go through the options as they have less time. This really bothered me, i thought this book was going to be an overall and a for instance book not a we don't care about younger ladies until you have waited long enough for you to be a year or 2 from the ages limit. I wanted to read a book about the process and case studies but i don't understand why it is aimed at older ladies and not just to everyone......In the beginning i was looking into her clinic on the Internet if our 1 free try doesn't work or if we want treatment in the future but the further into this book the further away from her i would like to be. I will be finishing the book as it was quite expensive but i am going to see about the book i was originally going to get and check to see if that one is ageist before i buy it. If other people haven't had this problem with her book then good for you but i just found it too patronising to give it a good review.

A sign?????

2011-01-06T16:27:00.000-08:00

While at work today i read my horoscope which i don't normally take any notice of but today i think i got a sign, you know when you have one thing on your mind for so long you start to imagine things are there when really they are not, so i just had to take a picture of this one. You know when someone says something is there in black and white but really it could be read in numerous ways, well when you see this there is no reading it a different way.

How much more black and white could you get. Now i have to say before you think this was in some sort of parenting or pregnancy magazine it wasn't just a usual weekly gossip and TV mag. Could it be a sign??????

I am here

2011-01-05T16:11:00.000-08:00

I am here.... It feels like forever and a day since i last posted even though it probably wasn't that many days ago, but as i have no 30 day challenge on the go at the moment i am a bit lost as to what to write. We are still waiting on the answer from the PCT about finding so we are still in limbo really. So i have turned my attention to our wedding plans. Last year when people asked when i was getting married they looked at me weird when i said i was getting married in 2012 like it was a million years away, but it doesn't sound so bad now as i can say i get married next year..........it sounds so close.....pop on over to http://mybigdayinprep.blogspot.com/ to check out my new finds.

This is the christmas spirit i have been given

2010-12-27T02:44:00.000-08:00

Wow the attitude i have been getting the past few days is taking the mick.

First i didn't get any BBQ sauce for their Christmas dinner, erm hello stop being a freak and have gravy. Second yes i am a lady but ladies break wind and sometimes yes it does have a smell to it, there was no need to announce it to the whole living room. Third, i had surgery on my back and face in the past 2 weeks, i can barely lie down comfortable never mind having sex. Forth, go in a mood with me because i ask if they will ask if there are more stock of Pepsi max, because its OK you wont be drinking it right.......so ill get a diet Pepsi and then you can ask if you can open the Pepsi max, erm i think not. Fifth, I'm sorry but referring to the surgery part again, i cant sleep comfortable so why do you think leaning on you on the sofa just because you want some attention. Sixth, why must you always keep tapping me, or nudging me, or making stupid noises to get my attention, and then wonder why i get annoyed, then say I'm moody....NO SHIT!!!!!!! Then go up stairs and watch TV in a mood, i really don't care no more, keep taking the PISS.

christmas chocolates mmmm

2010-12-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

I went out to pick up the last few things before the shops close for Christmas and i came across these beautiful chocolates i just had to get some. They are Irish cupcake chocolates and the cutest things i have ever seen, they don't taste too bad either, lol.

You will see one empty hole, that's because my mom couldn't wait for me to take a picture before devouring one, lol.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

2010-12-23T16:01:00.000-08:00

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days
I don't have a picture from today as i have been really busy with shopping and the vets and making sure everything is ready for but i will re post a couple from the last few days.

The first one was from Tuesday night and the second one was from yesterday after my surgery.

The 3 good things that have happened in the last 30 days are:
1. I broke up from work for the Christmas holidays.
2. I got some amazing compliments at work about my outfit for the last day at work.
3. I have been able to teach Mimi to lie down (finally) and to push open the back door after toilet and push it closed after she is done.

Days 26, 27, 28 and 29

2010-12-22T13:21:00.000-08:00

Sorry i haven't posted for my blog challenge for a few days i have been really busy, yesterday i finished work for the Christmas holidays and me and my mom were asked to do the food for the party so we have been so bust shopping and cooking over the past few days i have bearly had time to read eveyones posts but i managed it, the food was awesome, here is me yesterday:

As i have written before i love Christmas and i love dressing up so whats better than to dress up at Christmas. I was also shocked that my hair stayed curly, i normally spend like an hour on curling then as soon as i head out its gone flat so i was surprised.

I had to have a mole removed from my face today and i look like Nelly i have this plaster across my cheek but it is quite tender though.

Below there are 2 pictures where you can see the mole on my right cheek (on the left of the pictures)

I was told there didn't look like a problem with the mole but it had grown a bit and when i look down i could see it so i thought i will see if the doc will take it off (along with one on my back which had a skin tag in it). So i went today and she injected my face and it went numb almost straight away, the only think is i could feel what she was doing, not in a painful way but the sensation was making me a little woozy, i could feel her 'scooping' out the mole, it was one of the weirdest feeling ever. and now for the next few days i have to go around looking like this:

Now for the 4 days of challenges.

Day 26 – Someone you admire.

I admire Emma Watson, Hermionie Grainger from Harry potter, i know this one sounds strange but never once have i heard that she has been a diva or thinks she is better than anyone because she is famous, it was only recently that she said how shocked she was when she realised just how much money she has. She also goes to uni in America like any other normal girl. Such an inspiration.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

This was at my baptism in march 2009, since then i have changes in that i no longer attend church. I am and always will be a christian but last Christmas i was accused of stealing the one of our pastors tops from the ironing shop where i used to volunteer every Thursday morning and the odd day when someone else couldn't do it. I couldn't believe it, they were always gossiping about people who had left the church for whatever reason, and the day the top went missing i left with a tiny little gift bag that was about 2 inch by 4 inch which had a little gift from the pastor for my help in the shop, so where was i supposed to have put this top, i am not even the same shape or size as her. I just thought this was not on, for a while i was having texts asking if i had seen it as it was missing then that it was expensive and i will admit i did iron it, but i was hanging in that shop when i left. So that is how i have changed from this picture.

Day 28 – Your favourite movie.

I have so many movies that are my favourite that i don't know what to put, but i will say that some of the movies i can watch over and over again are the bring it on movies. I saw the first one while i was a cheerleader and i loved it.

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.

I could never get tired of watching Disney, it doesn't bother me if it is movies or shows i love Disney, i don't think i will ever grow out of it.

Sorry about the picture over load, i think i got a little carried away.

blog swap with Jourie for 20sb

2010-12-20T04:49:00.000-08:00

Today is the day for the 20sb blog swap and i am swapping with jourie over at http://ifyoureadthisnotthat.blogspot.com/ you can pop over there to see my post on her blog too.

So over you you

..................................

It seems to me that this question is another form of asking what my New Year’s resolution is going to be. Because of that, it’s hard for me to come up with an appropriate answer since I’ve never really been interested in or supported the idea of having one. I think New Year’s resolutions are pretty ridiculous actually. I mean c’mon, do they ever really work? So many times I’ve heard something like, “I’m going to lose X pounds this year.” Not to sound too pessimistic but it can be pretty difficult to obtain this goal when it lasts more as a one-month workout routine rather than a whole year ordeal. I’m sure resolutions are great for various people, especially those who honestly seek to achieve them, I’d just rather not have one. If I want to do something, I go out and do it. I don’t really need the beginning of a New Year as a pretext.
Okay, enough of me ranting. To humor the question, I will still answer it :)
There are a lot of things that I’ve been putting off. One of the main ones is finding a job. I guess it hasn’t been a big priority because I’ve always been more concerned with finishing school and getting good grades. Shoot, if I had to work and go to school at the same time, I’d be a lot more stressed out and I’m sure my grades would suffer a bit. Either that or I’d be virtually surviving off of coffee daily due to a lack of sleep. After I graduate next summer, I will definitely submerge myself into the typical post-college job hunt.
However, I think a bigger priority for me would be to travel to see all the people that I have met in the past year or two. While studying abroad in Guanajuato, Mexico, I met a handful of great people who I now consider some of my best friends. I miss them a lot and think of them often. It’s hard to spend so much time with a certain group of friends in another country and then be separated after the semester ends. We are all still in contact through Facebook, but I would really like to take the time to go visit them. The only unfortunate thing is that they live all across the country – California, Minnesota, Illinois, Ohio, and Rhode Island. I can only hope that I’ll find the time and money to make these visits after I graduate this summer. I’d also like to visit my grandma out in Arizona and my host family in Mexico again too. So if anyone has any ideas as to how to purchase all these plane tickets, feel free to let me know! Or maybe I should just become a stewardess! (;
So for those of you who set out to accomplish a New Year’s resolution, good luck! Thanks for reading & be sure to come visit my blog to check out Amy’s post as well as some more of mine!
http://ifyoureadthisnotthat.blogspot.com/

.....................

I would like to thank Jourie for her post, i really had no idea what i was going to write but i managed something even though it was probably so lame lol.

White christmas???????? maybe!!!!

2010-12-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

With just a week to go till Christmas i am so wondering if this may actually be a white Christmas.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!

I cant wait till i have kids so that we can be all excited together, play in the snow and eat till we almost explode lol.

Yesterday the weather forecast was right (for once) that we would have snow, and boy did. we. have. snow....

Last night we had some snow but i thought that was going to be it, but we had a bit more over night and up until about 4:30 this afternoon it hadn't stopped, so i let the dog out this morning and she was OK with it.

Notice the snow is not very deep... well my brother was taking out a bag of trash and Mimi followed him out and the snow was up around her body, an extra like 5 or 6 inches and she ended up with little snowballs hanging from her ~~lil doggy boobies~~ under carriage, that's when i realised it wasn't a good idea letting her out for a while.

Its weird because she loves the snow but hates the rain, and i mean with a passion. i took her out a few months ago and while we were out it decided to pee it down, it was like a monsoon, and she whined all the way back, i had to pull her along to get her to come home, i don't know what she wanted me to do, pick her up and put her in my coat???? I think not Missy....

Earlier this week i also wanted to know where the reset button was for her.

See she learns things quite fast so sit was down by 10 weeks, and roll over by 13, but you know what she never learned lie down, so for ages i was trying to get her to lie down but all she would do is roll over, i was beginning to think she would never get it but i sat her down in the living room with no toys but plenty of treats and we had a break through.

I did have to hold her butt at first so she didn't roll but in the end she did it, again and again and again. So this morning i asked my mom to record it as she may decide to never do it again so i needed proof lol. (And the fact that she is normally kept in the kitchen and as the floor is cold she will not lie down in there.)

If you could please forgive me for the whole outfit and undone hair and no make up and general ickyness of me i had a Small surgery on my back on Friday and i am a little bit rough, please forgive me.....

Day 25 – Your Favourite Colour

2010-12-18T02:54:00.000-08:00

My favourite colour is purple, and pink. Pink used to be my favourite but then it started to get very popular for chavs, i mean head to toe in pink tracksuits and their kids the same so i cut back on the pink. But purple is like totally awesome, that's why my colour scheme for the wedding is purple. For your viewing pleasure here are a few picks of my purple bits and pieces.

Pre blog swap

2010-12-17T10:24:00.000-08:00

Well i am like 2 days away from my first blog swap and i have no idea how its going to work, i have my partner and we have out topic, if we decided to use it, but every blog swap i have read all the people are so interesting and im, well not, i dont know what im going write. The topic is "Action. What will you do next year that you've been putting off for too long?...... Where do i go with this?????? Im sure i will work something out.

Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.

2010-12-17T10:13:00.000-08:00

This means such a lot to me, this is me and my mom, she hates having her picture taken, lol. My mom is my best friend, i know people say their mom is their best friend but they have another best friend, well no, me and my mom do so much together its unreal, we used to go to the gym together like 5 times a week, we go shopping every week together, we even work together, if i have a problem my mom is there, if she has a problem i am there, the only thing is when i move out i will miss my mom so much even though i will be seeing her almost everyday for work.

Day 23 – Your Skincare Regime.

2010-12-16T15:16:00.001-08:00

I have never really been effected by spots until these last few years with stress but even then there are only a few and nothing really major so when i was in college i would only uses wipes on my face unless i was having a facial then i would have the lot, cleanse tone and moisturise, now i sometimes use moisturiser before i put my make-up on but as i don't wear it every day i just stick to a bit of Johnson's baby lotion and sun cream if I'm gonna be outside a lot.

Day 22 – A photo of you as a child.

2010-12-15T06:06:00.000-08:00

This was me when i was about 4 or 5, i loved having my picture taken so i have a million pictures that i could put on here but i dont think my scanner would cooperate for that long, lol.

Dressing up

2010-12-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

I love to dress up, for Christmas, Halloween, for the charity midnight walk, if there is somewhere i can go that will allow me to dress up i will. Here are some of my dressing up that i have done in the past.

This first one was home made, as most of my costumes were, in the school fancy dress competition, i don't know if i won or not but i didn't care i was a butterfly.

This next one was for comic relief, as you can tell by the noses, this is me on the left and my younger brother on the right and we went to school like this, both costumes we handmade too.

I think this one is a little bit ironic as i have a severe phobia of spiders, but yes again this was handmade, I'm not sure where i was going on this one probably school again, no i didn't just turn up at school wearing costumes there was always a reason for it.

This one was one of my favourites, i was Freddie Kruger and believe it or not this one was for my brownies Halloween party, everyone else went as witches or cats so i had to be different, i had gelatin on my face and hand to make it look like burnt skin and my mom made my glove from card and spray paint.

This one wasn't actually me dressing up, i was part of the Asian dance group in school and i loved bangra so much, i loved wearing different coloured sari's, my mom didn't make this one but she did make me a green sari and an orange shalwa kamize, (sorry for the spelling).

This was a party for our twin friends, john and Emily, i was a pink fairy and Dave was a bum/hobo/tramp/homeless person whatever you and to call them.

This one was for the mary stevens charity ladies midnight walk, most people wore PJ's and feather boas and flashing ears but i just used it as another excuse to get a new costume lol.

This is my new one that i will be wearing to work next Tuesday as it is the last day at work so why not.

I have so many more pictures of me in costumes but as you can see with some of the pictures our scanner suffers from PMT so doesn't work all the time so i had to take pictures of pictures like a right old moron, lol. Some others are:

Mermaid.

School girl (little bit x rated as it is from the ann summers shop, lol.)

cowgirl. (non x rated, i was taking part in a world record when i was younger for the longest line dance)

I love dressing up so much i even dressed my dog up. See Mimi's page at the top.

The whole point in this post is, while i was on the look out for my new Christmas outfit i came across these cute little baby costumes, my child/children will hate me as all i will be doing is dressing them up and taking way too many pictures of them.

How super dupper awesome would it be to have 3 little babies in these three outfits AAAAWWWWWW. Momma like.

100th postaversary

2010-12-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th post, yay, granted a lot of it is from challenge but its still 100. Here is the challenge for today,

Day 21 – Something you crave a lot.

Something i crave a lot, well lately anyway, is a burger. Preferably a Burger king XL bacon double cheese burger. Apart from my recent gorge i have been quite good with the diet but at work last night i was so hungry all i could think about it one of these burgers, and a plus point is Merry hill shopping centre is open till midnight up till Christmas so i could have got one when i finished work at 10 but i didn't i went home and had me a small pizza baguette. So here for your satisfaction is a picture of THE burger.

Gluttony!!!!

2010-12-13T15:47:00.000-08:00

If you look in the dictionary under Gluttony you will see a picture of me. Here is why.....

Saturday my parents went our to my dads work christmas meal so at my house that night was just me, Dave, my brother Thomas and his girlfriend Emma, we played some awesome games, cranium and this monopoly knock off called chav which was so funny, well as we all know i am currently on the weight watchers diet to get my BMI down to 30 at the most so that i meet the criteria for IVF, well we are playing these games and i break out the haribo, then the cherry cola bottles, then the lolly pops, then the love hearts. As my parents were staying our the night and was not going to be cooking our sunday dinner, i know thats what i call child abuse i was gonna call the NSPCC, lol. So we decided to go out for a meal for lunch, my parents ended up coming back intime to come along with us, and so when we got there i thought, i will be good i have to be weighed in the morning, so i thought i would share a starter, turns out i still ended up with 5 chicken wings smothered in BBQ sauce. Then looking at the menu there i was looking at everything but this one thing kept calling me, i cant remember what they called it but you choose from half a roast chicken, half rack of ribs or a 10oz steak, plus it comes with chips, corn on the cob, half a grilled tomato and 2 big onion rings, mmmmmmmm just the thought of it is making me hungry, lol. Well i thought i really want it and i have been good the rest of the week so i had the half roast chicken with the half rack of ribs too, and i must say they were some of the yummiest ribs i have ever tasted. After that i started to feel guilty, i could almost feel my chins grow and the cankles stretching my boots, but i thought the damage is done you may as well go for the millionares shortbread sundae that has been calling you from the menu since you walked in, so yes i had all 3 courses and no i did not work out the points for it. I did feel quite bad for the rest of the day and this morning. It didnt turn out just as back as i thought it was i still managed to lose 0.5lbs and a loss is a loss.

Only need to lose about another 3lbs then i qualify, thats if they say i will be funded. There is still no news from them yet but i suppose i could go with no news is good news, right??????????

Day 18 – The meaning behind your blog name, Day 19 – Another picture of yourself and Day 20 – A photo of something that makes you happy.

2010-12-13T05:37:00.000-08:00

Day 18 – The meaning behind your blog name.

The meaning for this name is this is about my journey to baby-land / motherhood

Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.

This is my new outfit for work next week, i love dressing up.

Day 20 – A photo of something that makes you happy.

I love to see a winter sunset, this one was taken while on my way to work last week, i had to catch it as we were driving down a hill, some days there were better views but you have to catch it just right before the sun dips below the hills.

Day 17 – 10 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

2010-12-10T07:52:00.000-08:00

1. Go to Australia....Mate.

2. Be a mom.
3. Climb more mountains, and be able to see the view from the top.
4. Study forensics
5. Enter Mimi into crufts (may never happen but you never know)
6. I want to have posted over 2000 blog entries
7. I want to swim with the dolphins
8. I want to decorate my own house for Christmas, including the outside
9. Live completely debt free for at least a year (not including mobile phone contracts)
10. Perform on stage.

Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without. and Day 16 – What’s in your bag?

2010-12-09T06:12:00.000-08:00

I thought i would do both of these together as i never leave house without a few things that are in my bag.

First i never leave the house without lip balm, at the moment it is a fanta orange flavour and it keeps your lips so lush i am gonna stock load it just in case.

Second, i never leave the house without my phone, its not only my phone anymore, it is where i keep track of my appointments and results and my little notes and questions to ask different people at different places.

I have just today emptied my bag out so in there now i have, tissues (both for my nose and for doggy poop), my purse, perfume, deodorant, mouthwash, face cream, phone, 3 lolly pops, and lip balm.

Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.

2010-12-07T04:24:00.000-08:00

This one would have to be misfits. I have never laughed so much than when i watch this. If you haven't seen it or missed the first season, it is about this group of young people on community service and then they all realise they have special powers, they get into all kinds of trouble. Its definitely one to watch.

good idea or bad????

2010-12-06T16:49:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago me and the MR were having a conversation about names for our future children, i know i have always wanted a few names but during out journey i have been thinking maybe i should pick a name that has a little more meaning to out situation, and at the same time we both said a great name for a little girl would be Ivy, i do love the name but do you think it is a little bit too much like IVF????? I looked up the meaning of the name and the Hebrew meaning of Ivy is gods gift which is quite fitting really. But again will people think it is not fair to call a child this???? Then i thought about second name and i thought of Faith which is self explanatory, the faith we have in each other, the faith we have in the treatment and the faith we have in the lord to guide us through this time and to hold us when we can no longer go on.

A while ago I asked the MR what boys name he likes and he said Marek, i had never heard this before but he wouldn't tell me where the name came from, until the one day he said the name was from one of the cartoons he watches lol, i thought this was quite funny bit then i thought about it and i have to admit it is different, and today i saw one of my friends on facebook also has a friend called Marek and i am actually considering it, the only thing is when i looked up the meaning it is named after Mars the god of war, do i really want a child that is named after the god of war?????? And for middle name i like Harry but again this name has a few meanings, commander, army ruler and ruler of the household, i think i need to rethink this one. Well that is all for now.

Day 12 – 15 Random Facts about you. and Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?

2010-12-06T06:08:00.000-08:00

Day 12 – 15 Random Facts about you.

1. I check facebook daily.
2. I wear shoes in 3 different sizes, 6, 7 and 8.
3. I did beauty therapy at college but i don't have time to paint my nails and when i do i can chip them in minutes.
4. I sometimes can go almost a week without washing my hair. (i know this is rank but if i wash too much with the wrong shampoo it looks like an Afro)
5. I took a course when i was near the end of school and the beginning of college to build a computer and i made a computer powered robotic arm.
6. The only alcohol i drink is in cocktails.
7. I have always had a feeling from when i was a little girl that i would have twins or triplets, my nan was pregnant with twins just after my dad was born but she sadly lost them.
8. I am always the one in the household (we have 2 men in the house, my dad and my brother) and i am the one who has to deal with the fixing of the Internet and the sky.
9. I am ~~not~~ addicted to Pepsi Max.
10. The only time i have a cup of tea is to dip biscuits in so i only have a half cup.
11. I enjoy drawing, but only when i have the feeling, if i was asked to draw something but wasn't in the mood of didn't get the feeling i couldn't do it.
12. I gave my dog dryer balls to play with.
13. One of my lucky numbers is 13, the other is 7.
14. I doubted weight watchers for so long but now i realise that it is actually working.
15. I have weird feet, they are fat in some places but bony in others and they are hairy too (sorry but that is what PCOS does to you)

Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?

My favourite musician changes quite often but at the moment my favourite is Demi Levato she is awesome, her songs are so real and they are so easy to relate to.

Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?

2010-12-04T04:33:00.000-08:00

well as of this morning my make-up bag is mostly empty as i had to tip it all out to find what i needed so i will just run through a list of what is in there maybe with some pictures if i can find them on google.
First we have my Bourjois bio detox organic foundation, this brand is one of the only ones that goes pale enough for me and it isn't to thick.

Then we have Lancome matte finish powder.

Then we have Rimmel max mascara, i get different mascara every time as i am yet to find one that is perfect this one is good but a little bit clumpy sometimes.

I have an eye liner that i have no idea what brand it is but this is the closest picture i could find, it has a bud on the end for application and there is a lid that goes with it that has a hidden sharpener in it.

Then there is clarins 3 in one blush, and tint, it can be used on cheeks lips and even eyes, it is awesome.

I have a few different of these Barry M dazzle dusts, in blue, silver and pail pinks. Not that i know where all of them are, lol.

I have a few of these too, they are from Avon, and i have the black and grey, a pink and purple and i think a blue one.

Obviously i have to have a whole group of make-up brushes from the Sporty range.

And last but definitely not the least important is the good old Johnson's baby lotion. I love the smell and how soft it leaves your skin, i cant wait till i have a baby so that my house can smell of this all the time.

Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.

2010-12-03T08:49:00.000-08:00

This one is a little bit of a fail as i don't have a picture or can i find a picture of it but my favourite place to eat (or take home and eat) is Top1 pizza, their pizza is the best pizza in the world, i love pizza hut and domino's but this is so much better, they do stuffed crust but not just with cheese they do it with pepperoni in the crust too, it really is awesome.

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

2010-12-02T04:49:00.000-08:00

I went shopping today as a new Iceland has opened so we decided to stock up for Christmas, then we went to aldi as they had a chidurky, dickrky, turducken or what ever they are called these days lol well a 3 bird roast for Christmas dinner so we went there and i found the cutest pair of wellies i just had to get them so here they are.

Arnt they just the cutest things ever??????
Here is a picture i took today, Mimi has been a little off her food with a gurgling belly yesterday so i thought she was sick but she seems to have all her energy and has eaten her breakfast today so i let her out in the garden again in the snow and this picture is just so cute.

That was supposed to be my workout trampoline, but the dog loves it so we left it out for her.

Day 7 – Your dream wedding. And Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

2010-12-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

http://mybigdayinprep.blogspot.com/

This is my blog where my dream wedding is coming true.

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

As with my post yesterday i am still fuming and i had a comment on facebook too that i will post just as a back up before she deletes it

Here it is mainly that part about i hate you so much right now, not the rest of the song. This is the reason for that.

this is the conversation that happened on facebook. If its not deleted by the time you read it.

i want an infertility chair

2010-11-30T10:39:00.000-08:00

My request sounds a little weird right????? Let me explain.

First off infertility sucks!!!!!!

Now the reason behind me wanting a chair is at work they have this pregnancy chair its a comfy office chair with wheels and arm rests, well yesterday there was nobody using said chair therefore when my mom got to her work station and the chair was there she used it as everyone else has done since the last pregnant girl left. Then as she comes back from getting some handles she needed this girl had taken her things off the chair and was starting to walk away with itsaying she was pregnant. Fair enough but what gives her the right to move peoples belongings without asking or them being there???? Well as you can guess my mom was not best pleased. She shuved the chair the girl had replaced it with and the girl asked what her problem was. Well as anybody would she give her bit. Then she got told not to swear at her because she was pregnant. Im sorry but last thing i heard nobody had suffered a misscarriage from being swore at. Well then she had this chair and while i am at my moms area i see her carrying a heavy box!!!! If she is pregnant enough for a special chair then she shouldnt be carrying this box. She wasnt 'pregnant' yesterday as she was on a normal chair so i am presuming she found out today so i doubt she is very far along so why does that worrent special treatment??????

You are probably thinking here is just another infertile who is jealous right???? In part yes bet to make it irritate me more is she is a forener who knows that now she has been taken on they cant get rid of her and she get maternity pay and leave thats the same thing that the last girl did. It is getting to me so much that they are like a day pregnant and they can announce it with a chair but i am here with aunt flow who turned up this morning and i want a chair to say;
"yes i am infertile"
"yes i am sat on this special chair"
"and yes if you piss me of with your babble about being a week pregnant i cannot be held responcible for my actions"

It doesnt normally bother me but if i am down and upset i cant cry at work because people will ask why. What am i supposed to say "im upsey because i am sick of these people who only have to talk or think about getting pregnant and it happens and here i am a sad old infertile who cant take it" we are looked at like its nothing but its not nothing it cuts so deep and i just want my chair and my right to get up and shout to the next person to say "yea but im pregnant" to beable to turn around and say "congratulations for being so normal and so awesome and amazing while i sit here with my ovaries in perminant hibernation, thank you for making me one step closer to taking my anger out on someone. Feel free to offer your face to meet my hand any time." But no us infertiles have to sit like nice little freaks and be quiet the biggest taboo ever.

Day 3, Day 4, Day 5 and Day 6

2010-11-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here for the last few days i have been quite busy having new fence in the garden and sorting out Christmas decorations so here is a big post today for my challenge.

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

My idea of the perfect first date would be something like a picnic so that its not too formal and not too loud so you can get to know each other then end with him walking you home with a single kiss, aawwwwww.

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

This is Amy, i love this picture.

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

This was taken January 2008 so its nearly 3 years ago but when we had a photo shoot, that was a fun day.

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

I have posted this picture before but i thought i would use it again, i love penguins i would love to have one, I'm sure its cold here in the winter for one as the temperature recently has gone to around -2 centigrade which is cold.

On another note, i had an appointment today about the mole I'm gonna have removed, we thought it was to have it off today but it wasn't, so we went all that way just so that she could say it didn't look like there was anything wrong with it and if i knew having it off would leave a scar?? EERRRRRMMMM hello I'm not stupid and its not like I'm a super model or anything how will a scar be any different to the mole anyway. so i have to go back on the 22nd December to have it taken off then i don't have to go to work as i break up for Christmas the day before.

On another note, again, i went back to weight watchers this morning and was crapping myself, i had a huge binge yesterday, i didn't even want to work out my points, i had an OK brunch (i took the dog out so wasn't back until half 11 so had brunch instead of breakfast) then my dinner was not too bad apart from i had some roasted potatoes in oil, then in the afternoon i couldn't stop i ate 2/3 of a pack of biscuits, 2/3 of a tube of pringles, a slice of pizza, a packet of crisps and a weight watchers chocolate dessert. So i get to the front of the queue to be weighed and i am so nervous i felt like being in school again where i was gonna be told off, but it turns out i still lost 1 and half pounds this week, which was pretty good to say i binged.

4 Things.

2010-11-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

Today i was catching up on a few blogs and came across this little thing that someone was doing, it was 4 Things then you have to answer them so i thought to pass the time before i go to work i would do them. Here goes.

4 Things I did 10 Years Ago (2000):

I started secondary school.

I moved into my current house.

I dyed my hair for the first time.

I lost one of my best friends.

4 Things I did 5 Years Ago (2005):

I had just started my second year at college.

I lost a lot of weight on diet pills.

I fell so deep into depression, i was on medication and was concidering the unthinkable.

I got my first job at the showcase cinemas and it was awesome.

4 Things I did Yesterday:

Decided that i was going to put christmas lights on the outside of the house.

Decided Friday is christmas shopping day.

Had a headache.

Went to work.

4 Shows I love to watch:

19 Kids and counting (it hasnt got to 19 kids and counting over here yet but i have seen it in advance)

Hannan Montana forever even though i am an adult i still made sure i stopped what i was doing when the hour long special came on to so how she told everyone that she was miley, on the leno show too, it was awesome and i loved the one where she sang the song for the families of army men and women, it bought a tear to my eye.

Teen mom, i know it sounds sad but i do enjoy the drama.

Sister wives, i dont believe in polygammy but who am i to say other people shouldnt do it, it is quite and eye opening program.

4 things I love to do:

Read, i have always loved to read, i will read almost anything, and i must say when i am in the book store i do judge a book by its cover, that is sometimes how i pick my next read, it doesnt always work out but it is still a way of picking.

Shopping i think that one was a little bit predictable.

Walk my dog.

Play on the Wii.

I just had to share Day 2 - a picture of something you ate today.

2010-11-25T06:11:00.000-08:00

UPDATED!!!! I didnt actually realise that todays challenge was something i ate today until i just looked so it was quite a good thing i had a yummy lunch today, lol.

Well i actually got into my weight watchers book and looked at what real food i can eat apart from rabbit food and so i came up with a rather yummy lunch today, i had

steamed chicken breast = 4 points
oven chips = 5 points
side salad with half portion of cheese = 2 points
bbq sauce = 1 points
fruit juice = 2 points

Total was 14 points which as my main meal of the day was awesome i think, just take a look.

That was one tasty lunch. I am left with 12 points for today and that will be about a 3 point snack and a cup-a-soup for 1 point, the last 2 days i havnt had all my points, i dont know if this is going to make a difference but i cant see how eating more is going to help.

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

2010-11-24T15:04:00.000-08:00

My day today didn't quite start as it usually does, normally i am woken up by Mimi jumping at the side of the bed but i woke up this morning quite late and she was still asleep. Obviously when i started moving she got up too. I got up fed her then let her outside. I then got ready to go out to tesco to get something for my dinner, i didn't know what i wanted at this point, so off me and my mom went on the short walk to tesco, i ended up buying a multi pack.....no not of biscuits but of magazines, a pack of grapes and a cabbage, see i love cabbage, if it wasn't for my love of cheese and Italian food i would be so healthy as i love most veg, so i decided i was going to have cabbage with chicken and a sprinkle of cheese for my dinner that should have come to around 10 points. When i got to the checkout i was served buy the guy who always had to pet Mimi when i took her in when she was so tiny, he asked where she was today and i told him that i didn't want to bring her as we were told to leave the main store before so i didn't want her to be banned from the other shops too, he said i should argue that there are no signs up about not taking the dog in, plus she was always carried anyway so where is the problem?? Anyway, i went home and made my dinner, and started to design the writing for my Christmas card to Ruth and David from the US, by designing the writing i mean, my mom has a machine that can cut out and draw things so i went online to pick a Christmas font and tried a few out and finally finished it, all i need to do now is stick it down then fill it out, pop the gift i got her in the envelope and send it off. Well then i caught up with the blogs i follow then had to get ready for work, at this point i could feel a headache coming on, so i had to suffer at work with one of those niggly headaches that is right at the front above your eyes, well then i came back and decided i wanted a fish finger sandwich, but yes you guessed it we had no fish fingers, so i ended up cooking a coated fish portion then mashing it onto a sandwich and you know what?? it tasted awesome!!!! I could just eat another, but i wont as i am on my weight watchers.

Weight watchers

2010-11-23T06:09:00.000-08:00

So, my doctor said i qualified for 12 weeks free weight watchers sessions, so as i needed to lose weight i might as well do them. so i went yesterday for the first time, and lets just say it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I got a lot of information and they let me know what my points limit was and how it works and i got weighed which i will come to later. Today was my first day using points which was a little bit weird as normally i just look on the packet of what ever i am having but now i either have to look it up in a book or use this new wheel they gave me, they also talked about pedometers, which i was gonna get a while ago but never did, and she said the average woman does just over 4000 steps a day but needed to be doing at least 6000 to make a difference so when i got home i looked on ebay an got one like this,

This morning we were rudely woken up by the post man banging on the door and it turns out the pedometer had arrived, i only ordered it at lunch time yesterday and it was here this morning, now that's a service i like to see, lol. so we decided last night that we would take Mimi for a walk around himley so i set up the pedo, clipped it on my trousers and away i went, it was only when i got back to the car that i took a look at what i had done, 3747 steps in the past about 2 hours, are you for real!!!! this is just my normal daily things so i walk well over the 4000 i am supposed to do on a normal day and that's not when i am trying, then there is work, i am going to wear it to work and see how much i do there as i do walk quite a lot at work. Over all i think its great.

Now on to my weight, i have been meaning to write about this for a while but i felt a little bit ashamed but here goes, i set up a weight loss page at the top there to track my weight loss, i originally weighed myself on my wii fit as that is something i can use everyday, well turns out i don't weight what it says on there it said i was 13st 5lbs when I'm not, the weight was wrong as we had new carpet so this was not giving me a correct reading, when i got weighed at the doctors and at weight watchers i was between 14st 1lb and 14st 3lbs, this is quite alot of difference, this is what is making my BMI 31.1 when i need it to be under 30, this means i have to lose at least 7lbs and soon as i don't know when i need to lose it by, if the letter from my doctor to the PCT board gets declined then i will be very p***ed off, i know its the rules but the least they could do is give me the first consultation to see if i lost the weight already then if not send me away. On the weight watchers they said to aim for 2lbs a week, so if this works i would have lost 8lbs in a month and should be under 30 BMI.

Day 30 - a picture

2010-11-23T05:39:00.000-08:00

Here we are again at the end of another 30 day challenge, but dont worry i will be starting a new one tomorrow, well infact it is 2, i found a new one plus a photo one so i will be linking them both together.
Day 30 - a picture, i thought i would put something on here today that i found which really put a smile on my face, its a few pictures i found one day when i was looking for a pick me up and these really did the trick i hope you like them.

Thanks for following.

Day 28-Something that stresses you out and Day 29-3 Wishes

2010-11-22T17:28:00.000-08:00

Day 28 - something that stresses you out. I think this is pretty obvious, what stresses me out so much is the fact that my body isn't the same as someone else my age, i mean, i don't want to be like the same but you always hear people say your young you have your health and nothing to worry about infertility is something that happens when you leave having children too late, but in my case even if i was 'old' at the ripe old age of 23 then when would have been my time, 10 12 14 years????? this is so stressing and to make it a little bit more stressing i still have to lose weight before getting the IVF, i went for the first meeting for weight watchers this morning and so tomorrow i start the diet, i am just hoping i lose at least 8 lbs by then. all these things are what is stressing me out.

Day 29 - 3 wishes, wish 1- i wish my body would just work the way it should, wish 2 - that Ruth could get her wish of a healthy baby, i know i don't know her but what i do know of her she is so deserving. wish 3 - i wish for my mom not to hurt so much about not seeing her grand kids.

Day 27-Pets

2010-11-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

Since i have been old enough to buy and look after my own animals i have had a few so i didn't really want to leave any of them out so i am gonna give them all a little recognition.

My first pet was a hamster called Dora. She died of old age.

Then we have Dora, yes that's right i had 2 hamsters called Dora because when i had mine my sister got my niece one but then didn't want to look after it so i had it. She died of wet tail.

Then i had 2 little hamsters that the store said could be placed together but the one killed the other one. First we have Bella who was killed by fizz.

Then fizz, who dies of old age.

Then i had a rabbit called bob who is still with us at the ripe old age of 3 ish.

Then i had a tiny little Russian hamster the was originally called Zena but after being able to escape her glass tank then a sealed plastic cage i changed her name to Lil h (h for Houdini) but she dies last month i presume of old age. She was that small she is actually next to a loo roll tube in the picture.

For the past about 4 years we have also had 2 other animals that i didn't buy but i am the one who has housed them in my room when needed, feed them and water them and clean them out and these are chip and monk, our 2 chipmonks, my dad got these from a guy at work who had to get rid of them, they did have names but we couldn't remember them so i just called them chip and monk. first is chip then monk. we still have these.

Then you gotta save the best till last, my little baby Mimi, my king Charles spaniel. Check out her own little page at the top for all the up to date info and pics.

Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs and Day 26-Picture of your family

2010-11-19T10:30:00.000-08:00

Day 25-Put your ipod on shuffle, first 10 songs. (i dont have an ipod i have a Zen player)
1. BEP - I got a feelin'
2. Anastasia - One day in your life
3. Green Day - American idiot
4. Hillsong - Hosana
5. Taylor Swift - Thug story
6. Taylor Swift - Best day
7. Tenacious D - City hall
8. Elton John - Your song
9. Miley Cyrus - Simple song
10. Gwen Stefani - Long way to go

That is a great mix.

Day 26-Picture of your family.
I dont have a picture of all my family together so i will put my little family on here.

This is my little family so far, me Dave and my 'baby' Mimi.

Yesterdays appointment

2010-11-18T01:58:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday me and Dave had the appointment with my GP, we had to answer some questions like do we have children? have we had any fertility treatment before? are we willing to do all is asked of us during the process? and then the one i was dreading, is the female patients bmi over 19 but under 30? well a few weeks ago i went to the doctors and was weighed there and i was 31.1 BMI since then i have been eating more healthy and working out and taking the dog on long walks and my BMI is........ 31.1...still, the doctor said it may not make any difference as she will put down that i have shown signs of weight loss over the past year and that i was in the process of going to weight watchers, but the only thing that is bothering me is different scales are giving different weights so i have different BMI, between the different scales my weight can change by 7 lbs, which is the difference between having a BMI of 29.something and 31.1. well she said she would need to get into contact with my DeSilvas receptionist to get a copy of the SA to send with the application which will be sent to the board at the primary car trust who will give us the answer, she said she thinks this will take at least a month so i really don't know where i am at the moment.

On the weight loss point, when i went to the doctors a few weeks ago i said that i think i needed a little bit of help with the weight loss so they said because of my situation they can give me free weight watchers sessions,i had to ring up and answers one questions, like how important is it to me to lose weight? am i willing to go to every session and stay the whole hour? and do i think this will help me? after answering these i was told that i qualify and they would send out the relevant information and i can start going.

Day 24 -something you have learned

2010-11-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

I have learned a few things in the past few weeks that i don't know where to start, i will put a few things into bullet points for you.

I have learned that some Muslims believe that when they die they turn into trees. I thought this was amazing i had never heard this before.
I have learned the difference between procreate and procrastinate.
I have learned that since finding out that its not just female factor infertility that is effecting us but also male factor too it has bought it closer than ever.

Day 23 - your favourite vacation

2010-11-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

This one is easy our trip to Orlando Florida 2008. Me and dave decided we were gonna go and visit all the parks and it would be awesome, one problem i had never been on a plane and the flight was 8 hours from UK to USA would this really be a good idea???? Well it would have to be so we booked well in advance as it was so much money but it was totally worth it. Apart from losing around $500 (dont ask) and getting so burnt we had to sleep in separate beds lol. The Thomas Cook rep said the heat and sun was different out there and i wouldnt need my factor 50 suncream, she suggested this natural factor 25, i got some and popped it on and away we went, 3 days in we decided to go to the aquatica waterpark, which as the time was awesome, apart from the money situation and when we were getting ready to go and realised the suncream hadnt worked even though it was waterproof and reapplied. Other than that everything else was amazing.

This was from the balcony early in the morning, amazing weather.

This was the day before said aquatica trip with just a little reddening of the sholders. mmmmm turkey leg, lol.

I cant believe how big i was back then i am disgusted with myself.

I loved the dolphins, when we go again i am gonna swim with them.

Almost the same as the Paris one just bigger i think.

Again great weather but you can see the burn around my sholders.

And where my swimsuit came to.

This was a week and half after the burning and a few days before we came home and you can still see the burn, it was so painful it was turning purple and yellow, eeeewwwww.

An appointment

2010-11-15T05:52:00.000-08:00

So, i rang my GP today to see if they had gotten the letter from the specialist yet, they had, then i had to work out who was available to see and soon, so she went to speak to a Dr who was free and he said that i could see a registrar that was there they will do the same job so we have an appointment for 9 am on Wednesday, i am kinda happy about this but i am not sure if this is the point if i am over BMI of 30 that i will be sent away, this is slightly worrying as i am borderline 30, some days i am over some days i am under, it is any ones guess what i am going to be when the time comes, this is why i am hoping that it is not the day for the weight to be taken in to consideration other wise we will be sent away.

Day 22 - favourite city.

2010-11-15T05:27:00.000-08:00

Day 22 -favourite city.

This one was hard to choose as i have a few to pick from but its going to have to be...........

Paris!

We went to France 3 years ago and had the day in Paris and it was awesome. We went to the Louvre and saw all the bits from the Da'Vinci Code.

Then we went to Disneyland on another day it was so much fun.

I want to go back again maybe for a hen weekend with my mom and maids if they can afford it and i want to go to the Moulin Rouge.

Day 21-a photo of you

2010-11-14T06:38:00.000-08:00

Well today we went on a walk with the dog to Clent, at the top of the hill from some of the views it looked like we were really high because of the mist but its not really that high. Here is the picture of me, i decided i will use a photo i took Friday after i had been shopping and got me a new babyliss curling wand, and my hair stayed curly for the rest of the day, it never does that so here it is.

Here are the pictures that i took today, if you look at the view sometimes it looks like the sea is close but really it is just the fields and mist.

Here is Mimi enjoying her walk.

Me and Dave with Mimi as she wouldn't cooperate with the camera so i had to hold her.

My mom and dad with Mimi

See it looks like the sea.

Me and my mom.

And me and Dave with me showing how breezy it was up there.

Day 20-nicknames

2010-11-13T05:26:00.000-08:00

I don't really have any nicknames apart from aim but that's about it, when i was in school there was a guy who thought he was funny and i got called chocolate cherry head all because i had dyed my hair and they over heard me tell my friend what the colour was so that stuck until i started being called kitkat chunky because i would have one a week at school, i never ate one since.

Few days of roughness

2010-11-12T14:17:00.000-08:00

The past few days i have been hiding just how rough i have been feeling, it really hit home just over a week ago when my friend Ruth from America e-mailed me saying she had miscarried a baby at 7 weeks, she has been having trouble getting pregnant too, she is like my cosmic twin in so many ways, being the 4th of 5 children, both with a partner called David, well she had tried a few cycles of clomid but while changing jobs she went on a break, she never went back on it but it turns out she managed to get pregnant naturally but she didn't even find out before she lost it, she really didn't deserve that, she said she was trying to see the positive in it that at least now she knows she is able to do it naturally. Since then i have felt just that little bit worse, i don't know if i am making myself worse but i am always reading in magazines and on the net about people having trouble and alot of people are not successful, i mean i am grateful that we get one funded IVF but when a lot of people have 2,3 and 4 failed treatments, i even looked up the price of private treatment and the average was around £4000, that is a lot of money to gamble with, the only other thing was egg share which came out at around £1000 but the thought of someone having a baby using my eggs bothers me, not the fact that the baby would be biologically mine but the fact that they could have something that i couldn't even get using something of mine. I just really don't know who to talk to, i think i need to talk to another person in real life who knows what i am going through, i know my fiance is there for me but i need a lady, one that will not tell me to relax one that wont say i know what you are going through if they haven't been through it, but i don't know any people like that, i have even been trying to get in touch with my maid of honour the past few weeks but i haven't been able to, she started uni in September and so i know she may be busy but i just need someone. I know i don't want to announce everything to everyone but i think i just need to let it out, i need to scream and cry and yell, i don't think this is a bad thing, its not that i am not ready for any treatment its just its like every week someone i know is either announcing their pregnancy or are having their baby and since most of the people i went to school have had their babies they don't seem to want to know me anymore, its like they are better than me because they could just go out and get pregnant and i can say most of them were not babies that were born into loving relationships, most of them were planned just to get benefits or not planned at all, and i cant even get one when i plan and plot and graph and test and i just don't know how to deal with it anymore. It got to the point where i was keeping track of feelings in my stomach, how many days past heaven knows when and when we BD'ed in my phone if someone had seen it they would have thought i was a crazy woman.

Day 19- something you miss

2010-11-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

I know this is going to sound a little bit cliche but i miss being younger, when you have the freedom to feel like an adult but with out the resposibilities. I miss being that teenager that always dreamed of having a big family with lots of kids in which i would be able to conceive more or less when i wanted to, to be like other people that only seem to think about being pregnant and it happens. I miss the time when i was naive and thought that if i forgot to put my patch on at the right time i would be one of those girls people expected me to turn out as. But most of all i miss the time that i was part of a couple who didn't know we had fertility problems and just thought it wasn't our time for a baby, the time when all i needed to worry about is what colour my bridesmaids are going to wear and and what my hair will look like and what i want my flowers to be like, not like now when i feel like i have to deal with work, and planning a wedding and trying to lose weight and work out when we will get our turn, its like living in limbo, not knowing when anything is going to start to happen if at all.

Day 17-something you're looking forward to and Day 18-something you regret

2010-11-11T05:46:00.000-08:00

Day 17-something you're looking forward to, i am so looking forward to getting this ivf journey on the road, i am trying my best to stay positive and most of the time i succeed, i am also looking forward to harry potter next week, lol i know i know but i am an undercover nerd and i love all the movies, i was just a little bit disappointed with the 6th movie as there was supposed to be a big battle when dumbledore dies but there wasn't so i am hoping the last 2 are epic, i cant believe i just said epic on my blog, i am such a nerd lol.

Day 18-something you regret, i don't really regret a lot in my life as it has gotten me to where i am now but there is one thing that i do regret and that is wasting my time on people that have no respect for anybody other than themselves.

Day 16-your dream home

2010-11-09T05:07:00.000-08:00

I have posted about this in a previous post, here, this has always been my dream home since i saw it on an american show when i was younger, it always had a happly little family with a dog or 2 in the yard.

Day 13-Goals, Day 14-A picture you love, Day 15-Bible verse

2010-11-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

Day 13-goals, i do have many goals but i will just put my main goals on here, my first would be to get my BMI down to around 27 before our IVF appointment which i still don't know when it will be. Then to make sure i do all i can to make sure our first and only funded attempt is given the best chance including acupuncture and relaxation. Then to get on with some wedding planning, as at the moment i don't really have much done, but then again i do have a while so i am ok for now. These are my top goals at the moment.

Day 14-a picture you love,

I love this picture, i have posted about this before but i cant help it, it looks like we had been to the far east but really we were in animal kingdom, florida, i lived it there even though when this was taken we were in a queue for a river rapids ride for 80 minutes!!!! i know that is so long but what else did we have to do and there was so much to take pictures of it went really fast.

Day 15-a bible verse, There are a few verses that i like from Matthew the first is Matthew 6:19-21 the second is Matthew 6:26

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"

Both of these verses are so strong to me as someone said to me, " i have a car, a house, a wife and kids and what do you have nothing." Fast forward less than a year and this same person has to sell their car, they are separated from their wife and their kids were actually their wives kids so they have lost them too and they have to move out as the house was also their wives. While i have the love of my god, my partner, my parents, the respect of these and my self worth, this is how i knew i was more wealthy than this person as i may not have a car or a house or kids but when i leave this life i will know that i have given all i can in love, respect and time.

A little bit of news.

2010-11-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well i had an appointment the other day about a couple of moles i have that i wanted removing, when i had finished i asked her how the IVF process works as all we were told is that we would be referred and were gives some conditions that we had to comply with to be accepted but not when or how it would happen, so the doctor looked at my notes and said there was no review of the last appointment yet which was 14th of October so it should be in any day, then we have to make an appointment and we both have to go in and fill in some forms and answer some questions for the funding, that's when the ball gets rolling so i think i have plenty of time to get my BMI down. Well that's a little more information than i have had from any other doctor so far.

Day 11-Favorite tv shows and Day 12-what you believe

2010-11-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

Day 11-favourite tv show.

At the moment i would say my favourite tv shows at the moment are:

18/19 kids and counting, i love this show so much i was a little impatient with waiting for us to get the up to date episodes over here so i watched them on the internet, i love just how together this family is and their beliefs are so strong. I love them.

Hannah montana forever, I am a big kid at heart and i love this show, there are not many episodes left but it could watch them over and over.

Wizards of waverly place, as above i love disney show.

Day 12-what you believe.

I am not sure which way to go for this one but i do believe in self control, I believe it is up to you to decided if you are a believer in religion. I myself am a born again christian, i was baptised in march 2009, i had spent a while looking in to what i believe and was never pushed into it by my family, i was always told it is my decision what i chose and nothing would change whatever i chose. My MR was christened as a baby and so he is a christian but he says he is a non believer, this doesn't change my feelings for him. I also believe that you chose what to do, it bothers me when someone has killed someone because they were drunk or on drugs and they say they didn't know what they were doing, well you decided to take the drink and/or the drugs knowing that they would become so out of it that they do not know what they are doing therefor not knowing if they have done wrong, they chose to do it so they should be punished like they would if they killed without being under the influence of narcotics. One of the big things i believe in is something that i got a controversial talking to before i left my church, at my church they are ok with divorce and drinking alcohol and having treatment for things like cancer but when they heard that i was being tested for my infertility it was like i was going against gods will, that they don't believe in sex before marriage and then a child should be a gift from god and not from a doctor, but i believe that god has a plan for everyone, that includes gods plan for a doctor to become a fertility specialist and to be able to create a life, and it was my plan to have infertility to learn lessons and to go to these specialists for treatment. I believe if the people from my church don't believe in having the treatment as it would be god saying i am not supposed to have kids then it should be that it was gods will for someone to have cancer and they shouldn't have treatment, if they die then that was gods will.

Day 10- something you are afraid of

2010-11-03T06:20:00.001-07:00

Well if i am talking about phobias my biggest one is spiders, i don't remember if i liked them as a young kid but i remember when i got terrified of them, i was in primary school and i had put my tights on and gone down stairs then i found there was a huge spider in the leg of them, you know when you don't want to rip tights that's the easiest thing to do but do you think i could rip those tights off......erm no. That was one of the scariest times of my life, there have been so many times since then when my phobia has gotten the better of me. In secondary school we had an animal man come in with some different creatures, he had his blood hound which was so cute, a tiny little honey bear, and eagle and a falcon and then he bought out a bog with a tarantula inside, my tutor knew i didn't like them so asked if he could hold back while i left but he didn't he said it would be good for me to face it, i couldn't move, i was stuck on the chair with about 100 other kids laughing at me while i almost had a heart attack, my tutor was yelling for him to back off which he finally did but i broke down in the middle of the hall with everyone staring at me. Almost everyday at school after that people would try to scare me with spiders, until one art class where we had to draw preserved insects, i thought OK insects are still bad but i can do this, until there was a preserved tarantula, i had to sit in another class to draw my butterfly. that was so embarrassing.
There are a few other things that i am afraid of which are no where near as bad as spiders. One weird one is i cant stand cooked mushrooms, we had a curry a while ago and i normally pick out the mushrooms but this time i poked my fork in and it made a weird squeaking noise, it freaked me out so much i have never touched a mushroom since.
I used to think i was scared of flying because i have so little control up there but that was before i had been on a plane but my first flight was an 8 hour flight to Florida in 2008 and i loved it, it was so much fun we were low enough sometimes to see over new york, and when we were above the clouds it was breath taking.

Day 9- a picture of your friends.

2010-11-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that i do not have many friends, yes i do have alot of 'friends' on facebook but the ones who are really there when i need them there are only a few.

First off we have my mom. We do almost everything together, like on Friday we are going to a craft show which should be so much fun.
This picture was taken when we went to the angel of the north last year.

Next we have Amy we met in college and since then i have asked her to be my maid of honour, we don't see enough of each other as she is working and just started uni but whenever we need to we meet up for a drink and a catch up.

When we were in college we were in a tiny group where for most of the 2nd year there was just 6 of us so we were all quite close, here are the rest including our tutor Sally Cowell.

On the back row (l to r) Jess, Sally, Renee, Kayleigh. then front row (l to r) Me, Amy and Hayley. The picture is not great quality but i love it, we had so much fun.

I thought i would put in a picture of some of my friends from school, alot of whom i am 'friends' with on facebook but don't really get to see them.

Here we have the last day of high school, from left to right we have, Daniel, Scott, Daniel, Me and Arron. These were some of my maths friends, we used to all sit in the one corner, i suppose you could call it geek corner lol.

Next we have Me and vicky with fran in the back, we used to go out together at the weekend and it was so much fun they crack me up they really do.

This one has got to have been from when we were about 14, this is Me, Lisa and Mel behind in our form room with my winnie the pooh back pack, lol. i did say i was a geek lol.

This has got me in the mood to upload a whole lot of old pictures so one day when i have the time i am gonna do it.

Day 4-Your parents, Day 5-Your siblings, Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy, Day 7-Favorite movies, Day 8-A place you've traveled to

2010-11-01T03:38:00.000-07:00

Well as i last posted about my dodgy womb, well thats the reason i havnt posted in a few days i was feeling rather ill and tired so i just never got round to posting so i am going to get up to date with the challenge.

Day 4-Your parents
First we have my dad, Mark, he is a truck driver and we love to take the mick out of him as you can see from the pictures.

Now here is my mom, Debbie, we work together and she is my best friend, we love to mess about at work with sweeties like the teeth below, we are on the twilight shift and we had there fangs in the sweeties so we decided to take pictures like we were from twilight, lol. I know this is sad but you need to do something.

Day 5-Your siblings
I am not going to fill this with all of my so called siblings as 3 out of the 4 are arse-hole bitches and don't deserve the blog space. So here is my younger brother, Thomas.

Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy.

This picture always makes me happy just how comfortable we are together and to think in this picture me and Dave had only been together about 3 or 4 months, even then i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Day 7-Favorite movies
My favourite movies change all the time but i do have lots of favourites and here is just a few.
Juno, Labyrinth, My best friends wedding, Beauty and the beast, Freddie got fingered, Willy wonka, Wizard of OZ, Paranormal activity 1 and 2. There are so much more.

Day 8-A place you've traveled to.
In 2008 we went to Florida for our first holiday together on our own. It was awesome, we went to all the different parks. What more can i say.

At work and feel like crap

2010-10-28T12:51:00.001-07:00

Well i am at work and i feel like crap. TMI ALERT!!! I started my period like 3 days ago and so i have been using my mooncup but i havnt has a period like this in so long even though the cup is comfy it feels like my womb is going to fall out. It is so heavy and uncomfortable i really dont want to be here for another hour, the cup is great but it cant really do its job when i feel like i have already emptied about a gallon of gunk since lunch time. I cant wait to get home and just sit on the toilet for however long it will take to get rid of it all, i am actually feeling a little bit sick but that may have something to do with the pizza hut i had for lunch lol. See even when i do feel like my insides are gonna fall out my but i still hav a sence of humour lol.
On to other news where i am working there is the girl who is leaving today as she is having a baby, oh my she is tiny, she is really petite and small with this tiny little bump, it is taking every ounce of energy not to go over and have a feel. As i have never really spoken to her i would think it was a little bit rude of me to do that lol. Its so cute though. I will be posting for my 30 day challenge soon as i am on my phone i dont know what is in todays and if it needs pictures i dont think i can do it till i get home.

Day 3-Your first love

2010-10-27T04:44:00.000-07:00

When i was in school i had a few boyfriends who i thought at the time i loved. It was only when i agreed to meet up with Dave that the feelings were so intense that i realised that i felt very strongly for the other guys (who in their defence were awesome guys but it just didn't work out i was never cheated on or anything like that and i still talk to them) but the feelings were so much different this time. That's when i knew i was going to spend the rest of my life with him.

The rant of the day.

2010-10-26T03:59:00.000-07:00

Please find above 2 pictures, the first one is of Katie Price AKA Katie Reid AKA Jordan, with her 3 children, of which are by 2 different men. The second picture is of said woman with her newest husband Alex Reid (who is not one of the kids dads) (And yes these do look like jersey shore rejects and look like the perfect parents as their relationship is on the rocks every week). For Those people who don't know who This is she was a glamour model turned attention seeker and an even cheaper version of Plastic Pam. She has been married for like less than a year and has been trying for a baby for how ever many months. a few months ago she was seen leaving a top fertility doctors practice and it was said she was taking clomid as she couldn't get pregnant, well she already has 3 kids why does she feel the need to have a kid with every guy she is with, she doesn't even look after the kids when it is her days they are looked after by a team of nannies and when she sees the chance of attention she may take them out with her. Now she is supposed to be going for IVF as her long hard struggle hasn't given them the children they want, she was reported saying she wants more children, 4 for that matter, i can see her paying some doctor a lot of money for them to transfer more embryos than is recommended so that she ends up with a high multiple, she is so much like octo-mum, she will do anything for attention. I just couldn't believe this when i read it, there are us out there who have to try every treatment going before we are accepted to try IVF and then we still have to wait, it is ridiculous. I'm don't talking about her now as I'm not going to upset myself any more.

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

2010-10-26T03:39:00.000-07:00

The meaning behind my blog name is one i thought really hard about, i realised that after a while of trying for a baby and it not working out that this was going to be a journey where i will learn so much not just about me, my partner and our lives but about other people and their struggles and success to the process of the different treatments that may come our way.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

2010-10-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

Here is my second 30 day challenge.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts.

Right, my name is Amy and i am 23 years old, i live in Dudley which is in the UK. I currently live at home with my parents and ~~little brother~~ younger brother, (i keep calling him my little brother but he is not so little any more he is taller than me). I have a puppy called Mimi, a rabbit called bob and 2 chip monks called chip and monk. I am engaged to an amazing guy and we have our wedding booked for September 2012 3 days after i turn 25. I love to read, i have done since i was very young i ready the hobbit and lord of the rings by the time i was 10 and i like to read at least one book a month but sometimes if i have a busy month or it is a very log book i wont pressure myself too much. I also love watching American shows like 18 kids and counting and just started watching a new one called 'quints by suprise' it isn't on TV over here yet but i watch it online. I also love food shows like 'diners, drive-ins and dives' and 'man vs food' i think this could be the reason i find it hard to lose weight as i love cooking.I enjoy taking my dog for a walk but hate it when she wont sit at the kerb, i think its because its too cold on her but, lol.

Here is a recent picture of me:

This is me, obviously, me and my mom did a midnight walk for the Mary Stevens hospice which my grandad has been helping with for quite a few years and they like it if people would dress up, well me being me i had to go out and get me a new costume so i decided on a bee, my mom went as a hula girl (with leggings and a tshirt underneath as it was the middle of the night and we are not that into showing our wiggly bits lol.). it was so much fun.

Now my 15 interesting facts.

I am ever so slightly addicted to Pepsi max, i drink it everyday.
I was paralysed from the waist down for 2 days when i was 18 after a car accident.
I keep it a secret from most of the people i know that i am infertile and am waiting for IVF (so if you are reading this and know me please don't say anything on facebook, i don't want everyone talking about me any more than they already do)
I am debt free!
I have an OCD that irritates me so much, i cant help but sing a song if just the mention of it comes up, or a TV advert, or just a saying from a movie, i just have to do it and i get annoyed with myself about it.
I am a very emotional person but i don't really show it.
I am a secret nerd, geek, swat, dork, you get the picture.
I have read the bible in full, (not in the right order but i don't feel this is necessary)
I plan on going to uni after i am married to do forensic science.
I wanted to do my work experience in a morgue where they make-up the dead people. but they said they couldn't just in case we were emotionally scared from it, lol.
My mom is my best friend.
I love Lillie's.
I enjoy working in a factory, yes i know that sounds weird but i do.
I haven't seen my bedroom floor so much in the past 10 years than i have in the last 2 months since getting my dog.
I proved the bra show wrong when i was measured for a bra. they measured me as a 40D, when i tried it on it was too big round but way to small in the cups so i went back to my usual size which is 36/38 FF/G this all depends on where i get my bras from and what style they are.

Day 30: a dream for the future

2010-10-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Wow i am done with this challenge already. I have found another one which i will post this list after this final day then start either tomorrow or Monday.

Day 30: a dream for the future.
My dream for the future is in most part for the next 2/3 years, i am dreaming for the successful IVF, (or the miracle of natural conception) for my wedding to be the great day i am hoping it will be and to be settling into life as a wife, mother and not quite so crazy lady lol.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture
There are a few points on this one that will be similar to the 30 day challenge i have just finished but there are a lot of different ones too and it gets me blogging even if i don't have much to blog about.

Day 28: whats in your handbag/purse and Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days

2010-10-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

Day 28: whats in your handbag/ purse.

Love this one as i have so much in my bag that it may take a while, lol.

My handbag is a juno cross body patent bag in electric blue. (below is a picture from google not my actual bag.)

This bag it awesome its like mary poppins bag.

3 hospital letters (appointment, SA info, IVF guidelines)
a pay slip
a cd with pictures i had printed at boots
tum tums
purse
small bag with tampons (forgot to take out now i have moon cup)
anti bacterial hand wash
deodorant
perfume
eye drops
small bottle mouth wash
small tub face cream
small empty tub
concealer
organic detoxing foundation
breath spray
nail file
house keys
half pack halls soothers
3 lolly pops
bra extension
4 used cinema tickets (inception, sex and the city 2, the last exorcism and devil)
17 used bus tickets
4 boots weight receipts
7 doggy treats
doggy poop bags

I didn't realise just how much i do have in my bag, lol, wow.

Day 29: my hopes dreams and plans for the next 365 days.

This for me is mostly focused around fertility treatment, there will be normal day to day things like spending time with my family and that sort of thing but i am trying so hard with my weight so that i am healthy for IVF, i am also trying to read as much as i can so that i know as much as possible so that there are no nasty surprises around the corner. I am debt free now so i am concentrating on paying for my wedding too which isn't in the next 365 days but if i was asked this again after the 365 days is up then i think it would be different as i am hoping and praying that and treatment we are given will work in the next 365 days and so after that i wouldn't have as much to be stressed about, but i know from statistics and other peoples blogs that the hoping and praying doesn't always come through.

Day 27: your worst habit

2010-10-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Before i get on to day 27 i just need to explain about where day 26 is. well its on where, i decided with the week i have had i can hardly remember if it happened last week or 3 weeks ago and i really don't want to try to remember it all and put it on here, i know i am sort of cheating on the challenge but i have managed them all so far so i think i am allowed.

Day 27
I would have to say my worst habit would have to be putting myself down, i cant help it i have done it for so long now that i don't realise i do it, i do it all the time. i don't think there really is any thing else i can say about this as it is quite self explanatory. My other worse habit is the exact same thing as my OCD which is bursting into song or spouting of a quote mid conversation when a word or phrase sets me off.

Just a little moan

2010-10-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have just started reading another blog about a woman who has had IVF, and she came out with some really good points that i just have to write about.

Point 1: why is it when people hear you are going to have IVF they tell you to watch out, that you may end up with 6 or 8, come on the likely hood of having that many would be so low its ridiculous.
Point 2: why do people always think that just because you cant have kids naturally your should decide to take on the worlds unwanted children, yes OK these children need homes and parents but that's not fair really is it, its like entering a competition and the main prise is a car but you don't have a licence so they give you a bus ticket, or you want an expensive pair of jeans but don't have the money for them so you have to deal with someones hand me down primark jeggin's. I'm sorry but just because i cant think about having a baby and i become pregnant doesn't mean i should be fobbed off with someone Else's offspring.
Point 3: don't tell me to relax and it will work, don't tell me to 'stop trying and it will happen because it wont, before i was diagnosed i was always relaxed, most of the times after i was diagnosed i was relaxed, your body doesn't sit there and say' nope I'm not going to work today because your not relaxed'. just because it happens to some people when they stop trying doesn't make that the process for everyone.
Point 3: quit telling me 'it must be gods will' or ' wait till you are married', again if i wait till I'm married my body isn't going to say 'yes that ring is on her finger all systems are go' unless it is some sort of ring from 'lord of the rings' that has magical powers its not going to work, and if it is gods will then turn to a cancer patient and tell them its gods will for them to have cancer so stop treatment and deal with it. I'm sure you would probably be named the evilest person alive if you said that to a cancer sufferer so why do you think it is OK to do it to an infertile lady.

Right rant over for now.

Day 25: your day in detail

2010-10-17T13:26:00.003-07:00

Here goes (there is a few things i left out like using the bathroom and things like that as nobody really wants to know that):

I woke up this morning at about half past 8 with the dog whining to go out so i got up took her down stairs and gave her breakfast and opened the back door. i went back up to bed just for another hour as it is a Sunday, i ended up sleeping till 12:05, its OK my mom was making dinner, i was woken by the woman next door shouting over the fence saying something about a dog then my dad leaving the house and then coming back so i started to get dresses when my mom called me on the intercom (yes we have intercom phones in almost every room in the house as its better than waking the babies next door by shouting up stairs) to say my dinner was done, so me and the MR got up and went down stairs, it turns out it was my dog that had gotten into her garden, so she had to be shut inside, i sat down to have my dinner, pulled pork, stuffing, cauliflower, sprouts (yes i love my veg who'd of though) roast potatoes and gravy. Then i did the dogs dinner. Then we worked out where the dog had got through to next door it turns out she is small enough to fit through the little gaps in the wire fence then through the bush the other side. So we got a long piece of rope and linked it to her harness and tied it in the house, she really didn't like it as she couldn't go very far. Then my dad said about calling the guy to get new fence, i asked how much just the stuff would cost to do it as we have done my brothers fence before so it shouldn't be too hard but he was adamant that the hedge would have to come out but i dint see why as it in on next doors side so she can sort it. but he was having none of it. Then me and the MR watched some movies. Then we gave the dog a bath and sat in the living room drying her, she isn't allowed in the living room unless she is on the sofa as we have new carpet and my dad doesn't want 'mess' on it. Then it was time for the MR to head home so i took the opportunity to take the dog out so we walked to the bus station then back home, do you think she would sit at any road i came across on the way back, erm no i had to hold down her butt. When i got back i gave her supper and came on the net and checked my AOL email and my yahoo email, then facebook then came on here to update you guys. When i am finished this i will be copying it to stick on my other blog that i am also doing the 30 day challenge and then read all the updates from everyone. Then i will settle down and watch TV before taking the dog up to bed and go to sleep.

Weight loss page

2010-10-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

As you can see near the top of the blog i have a new page for weight loss. When i went to my appointment on Thursday we were told there were some criteria that we had to meet to be accepted on to the waiting list for IVF. Some of the criteria are we have to have been trying for at least 3 years, we shouldn't smoke, (neither of us do or have smoked), neither of us can already have children (neither of us do), and my BMI cannot be below 19 or above 30, even if i am 0.1 over 30 then we would be turned away, so i have decided that i am going to make sure my BMI is 27 at the most as different scales can show my weight as anything up to 7lbs different in either way so if my BMI is at 27 or less this shouldn't effect the decision. Even though i have my wedding dress already if it meant i had the baby that i pray for everyday i would go out and buy a different dress if my body shape changed so much, i will be wearing my dress for one day but the baby is already my top priority, yes my dress is the dress of my dreams but the baby is at the top of my list and I'm sure a different would work just as good.

What i have learned so far

2010-10-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

Well i decided to find out for myself as much as i can about the IVF process so that i don't get any nasty surprises when the time comes. Well i went on to the NHS website and had a look and there was a list of the medication that would be used. I initially was a little worried just in case there was alot of pills i had to take when i already was having trouble swallowing the clomid, but as i can see from the list (unless they decide to change them) all of them except the progesterone were injectables, now this may be a bit bad but at least i could get either the MR or my mom to inject them if i couldn't, its just pills i have problems with. The progesterone should be either a suppository or a vaginal gel so that's not a problem.

I am looking at the moment at a book that is by and English writer who has written a book about all the process of IVF and personal stories.

I think i may get this book as it will be a good read and the MR can read it too. I am also trying to see if there is any English bloggers out there who have been through or are going through IVF, i follow a couple of blogs by ladies in the states but the process over here is a little bit different so i would just like to know if there is anyone out their, i haven't found any just yet.

Day 24: where i live.

2010-10-16T03:54:00.000-07:00

I live in a town called Dudley. it is in the West midlands, right in the middle of that little red bit above.

View Larger Map

I live in the little house right at the end of the block with the blue door. I have lived here for nearly 11 years now.

I live 5 minute walk away from the town centre which is right next to Dudley zoo and castle.

After living here all my life and seeing it from my door step its only when i see it in a picture that i realise just how lucky i am to have something like this right on my door step, it really is beautiful.

Just down the road from the zoo is the Black country living museum, i used to love going there when i was younger, it isn't like other museums they have taken old buildings and transport them to there, it is like a little town, they have an old style fish and chip shop, traditional sweets all made the same way they used to in the 1800's with the little metal presses. The people who work there are all in period clothes, its so much fun.

A short drive from my town is Merry hill shopping centre where you can get almost everything.

Then finally not too far away (about half an hour due to the heavy traffic) we have the world famous Bullring centre in Birmingham.

Like i have said, as i have lived here for all my life i don't always appreciate it but really i am quite lucky to live somewhere that has quite a lot of character

Day 23: a youtube video.

2010-10-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

Wow this one is going to be quite good, this video will always put a smile on my face as i explained on the challenge day for website, i just didnt want to ruin it for today when i can post the video that will always put a smile on my face even after the news i got yesterday, so here it is.

YOU WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

I had my appointment today and at first we were quite good, we ran through what will happen next while the nurse had rang for the SA results, we were told that they would give me 100mgs of clomid and take the progesterone tests to see if it works if not the up it to 150mgs then i would be put on them for 6 months if it shows i was ovulating, well the nurse comes back and there is some not so good news, the SA results are not good, the MR's little men don't have any where near enough live in the sample, then there wasn't enough mobility and of the mobile ones they were not strong enough so we were told that even if i did ovulate from the clomid then i still may not get pregnant and he also said that IUI was not really an option as this was still a low chance to success. So he said he would refer us for IVF, i was shocked, i knew this could have been an option but i didn't realise that it would be our only option, i know that a baby is one of the biggest 'wants' in my life and i would give anything to have a baby so i know i have to go through this but really!! I'm 23, the MR is also 23 we shouldn't be going through this, we are fully healthy and fit we don't smoke or drink we are not obese i just don't see why we are being tested. I am only going to get 1 free try on the NHS so if this doesn't work then i have to find out how i am going to afford the £5000 to pay for more tries. This first round as it is on the NHS we should only need to pay for the prescriptions which by looking on google that this can come to about £40 so its not too bad but when i go private the prices can reach £2000 but asda were supposed to be doing them on the cheap on a non-profit scheme where we pay what they pay which is around £1100 but that wont bee for a while. When i was looking for information on IVF on the NHS i found that the NHS try to work on the 18 week wait where they hope to have your treatment started 18 weeks after the initial referral so this could mean by the end of February we could have started the process. well its quite late so i will leave but when i get my head round all this i will let you know.

Today is the day!!

2010-10-14T03:57:00.000-07:00

Today is the day that we have the next appointment to see if we have any results for the SA if so then depending if they are good then we might be able to re-start treatment, if its not good new then i don't know what happens, and if they don't have any results then i will be filing a formal complaint right their and then as that would be the second time they haven't tested the sample, i am trying to stay positive but it is a little hard when in the past few months it has all gone wrong. I will let you know either later today or tomorrow what the verdict is.

Day 22: a website

2010-10-14T03:54:00.000-07:00

This would have to be between Blogger, facebook and youtube.

Blogger because i just love reading all the blogs either about TTC or wedding planning, it takes my mind off my problems even if it is for a few minutes, i would say i read up almost everyday.

Facebook because a lot of my friends have gone away to uni and some i just don't get to see so i can just stay up to date with them.

Youtube because even when i feel really down i can always find a funny video on there that brings me around.

Day 21: a recipe.

2010-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a recipe but i really cant think of just one that i want to do so i am going to do a 3 course.
First course: butternut squash and pumpkin soup. (this has no measurements as it is my recipe that i made so it is done by taste)
A small pumpkin

Small butternut squash

Quarter of an onion

2 Potatoes

Half pot of single cream

Chicken stock

Salt and pepper to taste

Half the butternut squash and remover all there seeds, place both sides cut side up on a baking tray.

Section the pumpkin and remove the seeds and remove the skin, place the sections on a baking tray.

Bake both until soft.

Peel the potatoes and cut into small sections and boil till soft.

Cut the onion small then fry until they start to colour.

Cut the pumpkin and squash into small chunks and place in the chicken stock with the onions and potatoes and reduce.

Put all into a blender until smooth.

Add the cream to a pan and heat till mixed.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve with crusty bread.

Second course: Thyme for chicken for 2. (again not really have measurements just trial and error)

2 Medium to large chicken breasts.

4 Slices of Italian pancetta (you can use bacon or other thin meats.)

Cheese of your choice (i have used cheddar, mozzarella or Parmesan before)

2 sprigs of thyme

Take the chicken breasts one at a time and place between cling wrap.

Bash with a rolling pin until half inch thick.

Strip the thyme from the stalk and lightly sprinkle over the chicken.

Finely grate the cheese onto the chicken.

Wrap the chicken with the pancetta (or other meat) and press.

Lightly oil a pan and fry until outer meat is crisp. (check the chicken is cooked too)

Serve with a light BBQ sauce and a baked potato or side salad.

Third course: chocolate fondant. (these measurements are to make around 4 depending on the size of ramekins.)

170g margarine

170g caster sugar

110g self raising flour

85g cooking chocolate powder

3 eggs

Sieve together the flour and chocolate powder.

Cream together the margarine and sugar into a bowl.

In a separate bowl beat the eggs.

Mix together the eggs with the margarine and sugar mix.

Add flour mix one table spoon at a time.

oil the inside of the ramekins and dust with the chocolate powder.

Divide into ramekins and place in the oven on gas mark 4 for 10 - 12 minutes.

When just firm to the touch turn them out onto a plate and serve with ice cream of your choice.

Well there is my recipes, it would be so awesome if i could go on to master chef or a show like that i have my menu planned already.

Day 20: a hobby of yours.

2010-10-12T16:03:00.001-07:00

Well i am just about in time for today as it is 11:53pm so i have a few minutes, a hobby of mine would have to be making things. Yes i know that is very vague but i do like to make almost anything, cakes, cards, wedding projects and flower arrangements and bouquets. i took a short course in flower arranging mainly so i had some sort of in sight of what would work for my wedding flowers and since then i have made numerous bouquets for different people and occasions. I love to make cakes so much i could bake all day, big cakes, small cakes, birthday cakes well cakes for any reason. that could be part of the reason i find it harder to manage my weight lol.
So see you tomorrow.

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding and Day 19 - a talent of yours

2010-10-11T04:52:00.000-07:00

Well i missed a day again but here is 2 to make up for it.

Day 18: my wedding/future wedding/past wedding.
Well this one is quite easy all i can say is it is my future wedding and almost everything you need to know about it is over at mybigdayinprep.blogspot.com this is where i have put everything down that i have so far and there will be more to come obviously, one little thing though is i am posting this 30 day challenge on there too so you will read the same thing again, apart from this as they know where to find my wedding blog lol.

Day 19: a talent of yours.
I have a few talents that are not great like playing the piano and the double bass, but i have to give the strangest one i can think of, so here goes.
When i was younger i was riding my brothers bike when someone drove a remote controlled car in front of me and i was not able to stop so i went head first over the handlebars and cut up all my face. in doing so i think i might have broken my nose as it used to have a little bump in it but now there isn't but we never found out if it was broken or not. Well since then if i wiggle my nose in a certain way i can catch the nerve and cause myself to sneeze, lol. i know why would you need to do this but it served me well when i was in high school and didn't want to go to school i could look like i had the flu or something, i still sometimes do it now if i don't want to do something i will make myself sneeze and get out of it, it doesn't always get me out of it though, lol.

Day 17: and art piece (painting, sculpture, etc).

2010-10-09T11:12:00.000-07:00

I would have to say my favourite art piece has to be Andy Worhol with Marilyn Monroe